Emotional Dessert

I am an recovering emotional eater.

Food is more than just fuel for my body, it is also love, joy, anger, frustration, celebration, boredom, comfort, control, and many other things….too many other things!

Feelings used to be eaten without blinking an eye. Through my journey of becoming a Figure Competitor I have learned about myself and my love affair with food.

It isn’t pretty.

I am finally in a place where food doesn’t control me. When I indulge or binge I know full well what I am doing.

When faced with a ‘treat‘ its no longer hard to say no.

cake tasting

Mondo piece of fattening cake? ‘Ummm…no thank you.’

I know better than to have it and I actually don’t want it. Just thinking about it makes me cringe because I know what it will do to me. I’m to the point where I don’t want a bite, nibble, or lick.

Its the so called ‘healthy‘ indulgences that trip me up.

  • Nuts
  • Fruit
  • Whole grains (gluten free)
  • Rice cakes
  • ‘Health’ bars (DL made)
  • Dried fruit (no sugar)

I can eat all of these things, but in small amounts. Just because it is ‘good‘ it doesn’t mean I should eat half a jar of nut butter in one sitting, have 5 apples a day, or snack on a ‘health‘ bar in between meals because I am feeling sad or lonely.

Even when I eat them in small amounts I have to be cognizant of the amount that I choose and not let myself have more.

The tiniest amount of more, even an eensy, weensy bit, results in an avalanche of overindulgence. Time pauses and for a single moment in time I feel like I am in control. I feel satisfied. I feel empowered.

Unfortunately those feelings are fleeting and in it’s wake an emotionally distraught women with even more demons to battle is left behind.

I am learning the triggers with food.

Why can’t I learn this with what I tell myself?

Mondo diatribe about how I am horrible and there is nothing good about me? ‘Ummm…no thank you.

I know better than than to chastise and berate myself now. I have no desire to go there anymore, not even a little bit.

Its the so called ‘healthy‘ indulgences that trip me up.

  • Realism
  • Caution
  • Critique
  • Comparison

I definitely need these in small amounts to be healthy, but I just need a bit of  them. When I start to overindulge in these thoughts depression, self loathing, fear, an extreme lack of self confidence, and a hoarding mentality sets in quicker than you can say ‘Figure Competitor‘!

Vegetables and positive thinking are two things you can’t seem to go overboard on. Somehow your body just knows when you’ve had enough of both. When you’re full of them you sit back satisfied and happy; not bloated and discouraged.

What thoughts do you choose to binge on?