What Girl Doesn’t Want To Walk Like Quasimodo?

After having to cancel last week’s physio appointment due to strategic planning sessions at work, I wasn’t very motivated to show up for today’s appointment.

Seeing how I am able to clip in and bike 30+ km in a day and even go for a 10 km hike after biking to and from work which is a 20 km round trip, I decided I was cured.

  • But running is still a bit of a disaster and if I am being completely honest with myself, I just wanted to be cured.

When the reminder popped up on my phone that my appointment with the Bearded Physio Man was looming, I wanted to call in sick for the day.

But a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.

Besides, the pesky trip to the Grand Canyon where I am supposed to go to the bottom and back up in a day is looming

My fear of dying at the bottom of the Grand Canyon is greater than my fear of the Bearded Physiotherapist Man which resulted in me showing up for torture at 6:15 pm.

Waiting for the impending doom is never pleasant.

Whenever I am nervous, I tend to sweat.

It is one of my less sexy attributes.

Lying on the table, I was warm enough without the heat packs – by the time 15 minutes passed, I was feeling dehydrated and glad I had applied a second coat of deodorant.

Bearded Physio Man – So it’s been awhile since we’ve seen you. What’s the verdict?
Committed to the Process Donloree – Well, I had to cancel last week due to work. Did you know there isn’t an option for, ‘My boss doesn’t understand real life problems?‘ for your cancellation reason? I opted to say I was better and didn’t need the appointment … but here I am. Again. I am not better.

After reviewing my inability to run and the vice grip which wraps around my ankle while running, especially after a day of wearing heels, we had a diagnosis.

Bearded Physio Man – So it’s your soleus. That’s a bitch to work out. Are you ready for it?
Committed to the Process Donloree– Awesome? But after this I can be done? Never see you again? That is, if I survive?
Bearded Physio Man – It’s going to hurt. A lot. No two ways about it.
Committed to the Process Donloree – I even stopped wearing heels! If you know me at all, you would know what a big deal this is. All of those cute shoes … and for what?
Bearded Physio Man – You don’t need to wear heels. You’re tall.
Committed to the Process Donloree – No. Heels are a must. You have no idea. A girl has to be able to wear heels! I’m down to four pairs, FOUR pairs of shoes for work. It is a complete disaster.
Bearded Physio Man – Well then, let’s get you back in those heels!

I love a man who has a firm grasp on the priorities.

While he shoved needles into the deepest parts of my calf and my leg flopped on the table like a fish gasping for water on dry land, I remembered that I was paying to have this done.

  • It turns out the the Bearded Physio Man is an equal opportunity torturer.

As I flipped onto my back to have the front side of my calf receive similar treatment, I nearly slipped right off the table.

That pesky sweat response had come out in full force.

Committed to the Process Donloree – Who knew one woman could sweat quite so much? 
Bearded Physio Man
 – It is because you’re an athlete. The athletic ones always leave here drenched.

I think he was just trying to make up to me after hitting a nerve in my ankle. For about 2 seconds it felt like I had dropped a toaster into the bathtub with me in it.

  • Its always good to feel alive.

Or something.

Getting off the table was virtually impossible. Bent at the waist and unable to fully stand up, we reviewed my next set of exercises and the get back to running plan.

Bearded Physio Man – So running. Try 5 minutes.
Committed to the Process Donloree – Tomorrow?
Bearded Physio Man No. Not even close. Maybe, just MAYBE, five minutes on Wednesday.
Committed to the Process Donloree – Then 10 minutes on Thursday? And maybe even twenty on Friday. I am supposed to do this Grand Canyon thing in a few weeks – that’s 20 miles. Am I going to be able to do 20 miles?
Bearded Physio Man – You should be fine as long as you’re not ridiculous.
Committed to the Process Donloree – Well, now we are really in trouble … aren’t we?
Bearded Physio Man – If it hurts, what do you do?
Committed to the Process Donloree – Stop. I am supposed to stop.
Bearded Physio Man – And come see me. But if you take it easy and aren’t ridiculous, perhaps we never have to see each other again. You are done with me for now!
Committed to the Process Donloree – Done?! I graduated? I am done!!!

After a high five and a handshake, I lumbered to the front desk to pay for the torture and then did my best to drive my little red jeep home without crashing.

Note to self – get an automatic car next time.

  • Apparently when you graduate from physio, you look and walk like Quasimodo, but this girl is not complaining!

Despite the fact that I can’t walk without throwing my right leg forward while being bent at the waist, I am apparently going to be back running on Wednesday … for a full five minutes.


Starting at square one is never pretty, but at least I get to start again.

Now, to just avoid being ridiculous … there is always hope that the impossible is possible!