Because I am weird and I know it …

One of my many quirks is that I often listen to podcasts while training.

The upside is that I learn a lot interesting things and kill two birds with one stone, but the down side is that sometimes my training suffers due to one of my other quirks – my need to make notes of ah-hah! moments as they come along.

The other evening I found myself running alone through the Edmonton river valley trails with only my thoughts, extremely dark, icy trails and a woman named Debbie Millman in my ears to keep me company.

Edmonton night running

The snow and downtown glow lights the way … kind of …

I had not heard of Debbie Millman prior to pressing play on Tim Ferriss’ podcast a few Thursdays ago, but within moments, I knew I was listening to one of my people.

Debbie has battled the darkest demons, the ones who live inside of herself, and won.

So many things she shared, including her story of triumph over years of sexual, emotional and mental abuse, were poignant and challenging. She has not had an easy life and her path to finding her spot in the world was circuitous and fraught with failure, confusion and courage.

  • Courage is more important than confidence; you will never be confident if you don’t choose courage, just try and refuse to accept failure.

What you actually do shows you what you really want.

It was -15 C, very dark and I had just been nearly maimed by a man running sled dogs on the trails but it didn’t stop me from risking frostbite to capture some of the ah-hah! moments as they came along.

Debbie Millman notes

She had a lot to say or I just have a lot to learn; either way I nearly froze into a Donloree Popsicle a few times while stopping to take notes.

Why are we so often reluctant to admit what we want?

We do weird things to keep our closest and most important desires and dreams alive and then we pretend like we aren’t doing them or they aren’t that important to us.

  • We are rarely honest, even with ourselves, about what we truly want. And if we are, we judge it harshly while at the same time, shaping our lives around what we want most.

My third decade on this earth was mostly spent frantically searching for self acceptance and trying desperately to be at peace with myself. I spent nearly all of my twenties in a frenzied manner climbing the corporate ladder, training and dieting myself down to a size 4, doing everything in my power to have a ‘shiny’ relationship, working on being perfect and pushing myself to be someone society would accept with open arms.

Society’s affection is fickle.

Peace with yourself comes when you’re honest with yourself about what you want out of life, accept who are you and then live a life true to both of these things while trading in expectations for adventure.

  • When you’re walking your path, the journey is hard, exciting, full of adventure and fulfilling. When you’re walking a path meant for someone else, it is just extremely hard.



Simple but true.

Now that I am officially closer to 40 than 30, it is clear to me that every single day matters. The more you live, the less time you have left to live. The quality of the rest of your life depends on you choosing be to honest with yourself and do what you want to do with your life.

Every. Single. Day.

Living a life true to you is not easy because often times there is loss, extremely painful loss, but living in a way that you can be at peace with yourself is the only way to actually live a remarkable life; it is the foundation and safe place to set out from on your next adventure.

  • You have to answer for you, no one else.

No one said it will be easy, but it is definitely worth it.

When you look at yourself in the mirror without flinching, what do you see? What is your life truly about? Is the journey hard, full of adventure and fulfilling or just hard?

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  1. I sort of lived this last year, and it was a turning point for me. The little signals that are there all the time, telling me which way to steer. Yup, those signals, the ones I always ignored because they came wrapped in fear.

    I decided to heed to a major signal last year, and it changed my life. Then another. Then another. My life is much more my own now since receiving those signals I once ignored for my fear of fear. I still ignore some signals for the fear they come with, but when you do a hard thing, and you see all the good it does in your life, which results in good coming to those who are also in your life, the fear ain’t so bad as the good is good…

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