Lost in the Arctic Tundra?

The past six months have been an eerily quiet time in my life.

Not too much on the outside, but oh so much on the inside. I have found myself going through my days, wondering what I am doing with my life. Do not misunderstand me, I love what I do and there is nothing wrong except for the fact that something is missing.


Dreaming and living on purpose go hand in hand.

Dreaming and living on purpose go hand in hand.


At the office and with my clients, I use Strengths Finder to help people understand each other, build teams and learn how to contribute in the most meaningful ways.

Without a doubt, I have the most annoying group of strengths possible.

  • Strategic
  • Significance
  • Activator
  • Competition
  • Focus

Add to the list ‘Command‘ which is probably my 6th strength and life with me is hilarious.

Feel free to feel sorry for my husband at any time.

To sum it up in one giant statement, here is what I need to live a full, rich life.

“Crafting my life around completing something bigger than myself which I don’t know how to do but will figure it out as I go and also significantly changes the world for the better makes my world go round.”

Unfortunately I can do everything I am doing right now and nothing seems to be very important or life changing.

Yesterday while journaling before I hit the gym, I was finally able to put words to what I have been feeling for so many months.

I’m leaking. Passion, purpose and direction – where did they go? I love coaching business owners and people to help them figure what they want and help make it happen, but I want to do new things. Me. I love writing but there is nothing to fuel the fire. Blank pages stare back at me, mocking my lack of words. I loved, luh-uh-ved, training for a Figure Competition because it was giant, big and crazy. I adore accomplishing hard, impossible things. The chapter of my life which contains competing is currently closed and needs to stay closed for the time being but oh how I want to crack it back open. Now I am kind of chubby and go through the motions of life every day, a day that is happy but missing the thing which makes my eyes pop open at 4:20 am and my feet hit the floor with a smile. Now my eyes are open at 3:17 am and I wonder why. Why am I going to get up? I get up because that is what I do, but the fire in my belly is missing.

I am looking for something bigger than myself where I can make incredible change.

When I am on purpose and mission, there is very little complaining. Yet lately I have found myself complaining. Things like trekking through the snow up here in the arctic tundra would be an adventure and fun because it is the next thing needed to help move me one micro step closer to doing the impossible.

Lately it is just very bothersome and annoying.

It got cold and very snowy rather fast up here in the arctic...

It got cold and very snowy rather fast up here in the arctic…

It is time to dream again.

Time to define the next season of my life and pick some incredible and impossible things to accomplish. It is time to craft what success looks like as I look forward.

It is time to stop filling my life with the mundane and start looking for my mountain to climb. My impossible mountain that I will make done and possible so I can show others how to climb.

My daily reminder to put words to what I want rather than stuffing them back into my heart where no one, not even I, can hear them.

My daily reminder to put words to what I want rather than stuffing them back into my heart where no one, not even I, can hear them.

It is time to reinstate dreaming big, hairy audacious dreams. When you lose your momentum, it takes time to build it back up. I have no idea what my ‘next thing‘ is going to be, but it has to be more than what I am currently doing.

The discipline of dreaming…

What makes your world go round? Am I the only one who needs a massive it-cannot-be-done kind of a dream to keep them going?

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  1. Donloree, this is JUST the challenge I needed today. I love that you said, “the discipline of dreaming” – it is indeed a discipline, and one of the most important, at that! I’m in a strange transitional phase between undergrad and full-time work (and in this economy, it could be awhile!), and much like you, I’ve often felt that I’m “leaking.” Seeking something, some position or career field or graduate program that will ignite some kind of passion in me, and after so many months of job-searching, it is easy to start settling and looking for what will allow me to get by rather than what makes me come alive. So thank you, thank you, thank you for this reminder and this challenge!
    (And for the record, Strategic is one of my top 5 Strengths Finder results, as well!)

    PS – I used to read your blog a couple years ago (when it was “Bikini or Bust”) before I was blogging myself, and while I never commented, I remember always being inspired by your gumption and grit. So glad to have found your blog once again, and I look forward to following along!

    • I am so glad you’re along for the journey. It is indeed a challenging one at times. Hooray for Strategic! Now we both just need to put it to good use in our own lives. Getting by always sounds good in the moment, but it is only good for a moment. You’re going to find your next thing as well. 🙂

  2. I’m SOOOOO feeling you!
    same is going on here – haven’t a solution yet.

  3. Somebody once told me,

    “The problem with my dreams is that they always get obscured by the lack of dreams from others.”

    I find this to be the case more than I care to admit. I allow my dreams to become thwarted because others lack ambition, and I channel my dreaming energy into theirs. I say I’m not going to do it anymore, but I continue.

    I wish you success in building momentum in your next phase. If you happen to find a well with some exra momentum in it, please bottle some, and send it south…

  4. Donloree, do you think the fact that it’s winter in Alberta and the long hours of darkness that go along with that have anything to do with the way you’re feeling? I’ve always found it harder to feel inspired or fulfilled during the winter months. Taking Vitamin D has helped a lot. In fact, if I’d realized the difference it would make, I would have started taking it when I was much younger. Here’s hoping you find you big, hairy audacious dream soon! I can’t wait to find out what it will be.

    • Ooh, good point Elaine. Vitamin D shall be hauled out today. It could be part of it as well. Going to work and coming home in the dark is not easy and I find myself ready for bed at about 7:30 most nights. 🙁

  5. Yovella Glabella says

    Living in Alberta, the temperature and darkness does not stop us! It can’t or else we would all die. We’re combating snow and cold temperature;, not famine, civil war or massive tidal waves.

    I have a fire lit underneath me, it’s called passion! I don’t have a problem finding my passion, I’ve always believed that passion finds you and not the other way around. However, my problem is getting the work done. I have more opponents than I can count and when you throw religion + woman + minority into the equation it makes carrying out one’s passion a challenge (sometimes, but in this case, these are a major challenge when dealing with others).

    I’m an INTJ and apparently we were born for these challenges and we are uber passionate people; so I welcome the challenge from others and carry on. Without passion and goals in my life, it would be difficult to wake up with a sense of purpose each day, it can be done, but it would make each day harder.

    ooh, my comment is starting to get longer than your blog post, so I’ll stop here! 🙂

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