Herding Tan, Carb Depleted Cats

Yesterday consisted of running up and down a set of stairs for 13 hours while trying to avoid creaming oompah loompah colored people while careening around the hairpin turn at the bottom.

I was the expediter at the Calgary Cup.

An accurate way to describe this job is ‘herding tan, carb depleted cats‘.

My partner in crime backstage. We yell A LOT but always with a smile.

Oh how I love bodybuilding competitions!

Things happen backstage that don’t happen anywhere else and the strangest comments fly around.

In the midst of the gluing, applying of dream tan and muscle sheen, and completing my  217th set of stairs, I heard a few doozies.

  • Wow. I love your boobs! You got them upgraded from last year, awesome.
  • My suit bottoms are too big. They need to be smaller, much smaller.
  • What are the poses for this class? Can someone teach them to me?
  • What do you think of my waxing job? I did it myself this time.

There was a couple that competed for the first time and their combined age was over 120 years old.

No matter how old you are, its never too late to start.


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  1. DL- thanks for being there to help make our competitors’ experiences unforgettable!

    • For sure! I hope they enjoyed all the impromptu speeches and the high level of ridiculousness I brought all day long. There is nothing quite like running around backstage at a show; its awesome!

  2. Hahaha – I love this. I’m attending my first competition – as an observer – this weekend in New York and am very excited to see t first hand (although I will certainly miss all of the fun behind the scenes stuff)!



  3. I cant thank you enough for this weekend…as one of your oompa loompas it was amazing to see how you were able to stop melt downs, glue my bum back into my tiny suit and always had the most gorgeous smile.

    Until next year!! xoxoxox

    Kat and Mike

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