An Open Letter To The Skinny And Confused Man

Dear Skinny and Confused Man,

I did not notice you until you tapped me on the shoulder while I was halfway through a set of hack squats yesterday morning. Only the most bewildered and confused people interrupt others while they are lifting, which is why I stopped mid set and pulled my ipod out of my ears.

My presupposition that you required help is why I answered your question about what muscles the hack squat works in extreme detail. Your rude follow up response about how it should be working my back and the reason it doesn’t is because I use baby weights was not appreciated.

Please do not take my shocked blinking as acceptance of your ignorance.

I was merely contemplating if high plyo kicks towards your head would serve an benefit to my training. While I added a 10th baby weight plate to the machine and completed my 150th full range of motion squat that morning, I realized high plyo kicks would serve no real benefit for hypertrophy so the supersets were not implemented.

Looking around the gym as you completed full body tricep kickbacks for more oomph and loaded the leg press up with 8 plates to move it two inches with the help of your hands on your knees and severely loud grunts, I realized why you may be confused. The only other woman in the weight area yesterday was training hard, but not very smart, while completing one legged, bosu ball, opposite arm cabled rows.

We shouldn’t judge a whole group of people on one specimen. For instance, if I judged all the men in the weight area on you, I would come to the conclusion that they are all arrogant and demeaning show offs with rounded shoulders and a physique that only a bean pole would covet.

And that just wouldn’t be nice, now would it?

In the future, please refer to the little signs on the machines which clearly state the muscles that should be engaged for the exercise if you have questions.

The back muscles are not highlighted...but you decide whatever you want.

I am sure a man that wouldn’t be caught dead using baby weights made the sign, so you can be assured the information is correct.


Baby Weights Hoffman

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  1. Dear Baby Weights Hoffman,
    I am sorry that I was an idiot in the weight room yesterday. I lost my head. I was so befuddled by your strength and amazing prowess that I felt the need to test you and see if you really indeed did know what you were doing. Well, ok… maybe I just really wanted to make you run out of the weight room crying because you were making me look bad. You see, I can’t lift that much. I’m embarrassed to admit it but I can’t even get the big plates up to the bar! How do you do it? When I grow up, I want to be just like you. Again, please accept my most sincere apology for my behavior yesterday. You are a goddess and I bow down to you.
    With much respect,
    The Skinny and Confused Man
    (tee hee, I couldn’t resist! 😉

  2. I still think he could have benefited from a plyo kick to the head AND the junk! 🙂


  3. I say you interrupt his workout for a HARD kick in his man business. Then tell him if he has to lower weight after that he isn’t a real man.

    You know, baby weights, I think you should get a T-Shirt made with that sign on it! 🙂 I mean, he may just notice it and induce stupor inside his baby brain. PS- I couldn’t love you any more if I tried.

  4. Bwahahaha! Awesome letter!

  5. HA HA HA HA!!! I can see this EXACTLY in my head! What a great writer you are! (and such self control too! Impressive!) I’m almost falling off my fitball laughing!!!

  6. Wow, how rude is that! What an idiot. I have only ever been interrupted midset once, and I just ignored the guy until I was done. Who does that?!

  7. Somewhere there is a dresser with a torn Tap Out tank top on it, beside some wrap around Gargoyle sunglasses, tiger’s print parachute pants, and the keys to a crotch-rocket motorcycle. I belive these all belong to Skinny Confused Man’s brother, Puffy Confused Man.

    Punchline: They still share twin beds in their Mom’s basement. Kill me.

  8. ha!!!!! i LOVE this!!!
    and yes,make t-shirts!


  9. This is a well written, funny story that I could visualize while reading… Good work.

    I once heard a story about a guy who was a heavy squatter (something around 500lbs for 5 reps, full range and great form). He was constantly interrupted so one day he dropped the weight mid set, scared the kajeebers out of everyone in the gym, and screamed at the top of his lungs…”WHAaaaaaaaaaaaaTtttttttt!”

    He then had a similar experience, and got tshirts made that said “Fu$k off, I’m training,”

    This is why I love training in my gym. No one bothers me because I am usually alone when training.

    • I am never quite sure why it is ok to interrupt people while they are training. I wanted to scream as well. It looks like I need to get some shirts made!


  1. […]  I try to be nice, but sometimes you have to just lay it on the line and tell them a thing or two with a huffy blog post. […]

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