Its Official, I am NOT Dying

Seriously, for the last year I have been dying more than living.

You wouldn’t necessarily know it from looking at me because I chose to live despite the epic metabolic fiasco on my hands, but for about 6 months I was in what I like to refer to as the ‘death spiral‘.

Possibly a bit over dramatic, possibly not.

I have silently and not so silently suffered. I wasn’t able to train, work, live, be a friend, be a wife, or just enjoy anything the way I wanted to anymore.

My many problems included:

  • Autoimmune problems
  • Low hemoglobin
  • Severe anemia
  • Hypothyroidism
  • Adrenal insufficiency
  • Inability to metabolize food
  • Hypothermia in the house
  • No energy whatsoever
  • Mood swings and depressive states overwhelmed me
  • Couldn’t handle more than 3 or 4 people at a time
  • Fatigue
  • Weight gain

I was in a general state of severe wonkiness.

From December to May I was unable to make it through the day without a 3 hour nap from 1 to 4 pm and I was still exhausted after that. I didn’t clean my house for 2 months; just left it up to my very busy husband to try to do something about the disarray whenever he was able.

Something changed in July and I started to incrementally feel better. I went from horrible adrenal responses to normal within 6 weeks and I was able to smile from my heart, not just because my brain told my mouth to move. Naps became less frequent and the winds of life seemed to be at my back rather than blowing me down.

Don’t ask me how, but I just kept going.

Its amazing the things that get formed in the darkness. The funny thing about what gets formed in the darkness is that you don’t exactly know what it is until you bring it into the light.

I am beyond blessed to have amazing people in my life that saw past what I was able to do in the moment to who I am and called me forth to live up to it.

The best piece of advice I got was from Joe, ‘Be the woman you want to be tomorrow, today.’ It was in the context of discussing dieting, but it stuck in my heart and I could not get rid of of it.

What if its possible?

And so I did my best to be the woman I want to become in some of the darkest moments of this past year.

I have learned that no matter what is happening, there is always a choice.

The choice always exists, whether you recognize it or not, to see what can and will be rather than what is, speak words of life or death, have emotions run your life, or to be defined by your past.

The greatest gift from this past year is my new appreciation for the light.

May you step fully into the light and be the person you want to be tomorrow, today.

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  1. Aww… I love this post. I am glad that you are LIVING and feeling better.

  2. I have news for you — we are all dying. We get our “exit” papers the day we are born — they just don’t come date stamped, so we best live for the day. I’m glad you’re feeling better, and hopeful that your health increases and Tomorrow Girl arrives tonight.

    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery — do some livin’ today!

  3. “It’s amazing the things that get formed in the darkness.” Love that. Jump into the light, girl. Jump big. Jump high.

  4. Glad to hear you’re health is improving. You’re fortitude is inspiring. Your fans are cheering for you.

    Live fit! Live healthy!

  5. Amazing and very inspiring post!!

  6. I love this. You are such a strong person, so admirable.

  7. “Be the woman you want to be tomorrow, today.” Wow! What an awesome way to live. I’m going to remember that and try to apply it to my life too.

    So glad to hear that you’re moving into the light again! Even in the darkness, you’ve been such an inspiration to so many of us.

  8. Hope you’re feeling better!

  9. I’m awestruck by how you managed to always be such an inspiration and force for positivity when you were suffering so much! That is truly wonderful. What a Warrior Woman you are! All good wishes and hugs to you!

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