‘Weight’ Just A Darn Minute

Every morning at 4:30 am I find myself standing on the other side of my bedroom turning off my alarm. Then I stand there dazed for a few moments contemplating the most critical things in life.

  • What is my name?
  • Where am I?
  • What day is it?
  • Am I actually supposed to be awake?

After some purposeful blinking and head shaking, everything falls into place.

My name is Donloree, I live in Edmonton, its Thursday, and yes…I am apparently supposed to be up.

Then my body hurtles towards the kitchen to put the kettle on for my morning bodum of pressed coffee.

Priorities.

With only one eye open, I wander over to the scale and weigh in.

I tend to stub my toes on this most mornings due to the lack of coffee in my system.

Every single morning.

Many people vehemently disagree with this practice. I would too if the scale determined my success and was the only thing I paid attention to. My coach doesn’t live next door, heck he lives in a whole different country, so he needs all the information he can get about me to make decisions on diet, cardio, and training. My weight is one of many pieces of information that gets sent to him on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis.

At first weighing in every day was hard on my emotional psyche. I let it determine my mood, feelings, and success for the day; a good number meant a great day and a poor number meant a horrible day. Letting a number that briefly flits across an LED screen set your success for the day is a less than optimal way to live.

I know because I lived that way for many, many years.

This week the lure of living by the scale is stronger than it has been in a very long time. My weight is all over the map and not going the direction I want it to go. Some of the reasons for this I have control over, some of them I don’t.

Late Monday night, I found myself standing in the kitchen contemplating what to eat to make myself feel…feel anything at all. I was reeling from the news about my friend and cognitively chose to eat.

  • I wanted to feel in control.
  • I wanted a reason to be mad.
  • I wanted to feel something other than the numbness.

In desperation, I rummaged through my cupboards and found Jon’s granola bars. It only did the trick for 12 seconds, so I ate another one, and then another. Five minutes later I was unwrapping my fourth one which I polished off without even tasting it.

These should be called 'bloaty and addictive' not 'sweet and salty'.

Had I been thinking coherently, I would have stopped to write about what I was feeling in my little blue journal but I hadn’t found myself in this place for a long time. I had forgotten what to do when emotional eating crouches on my doorstep. She looked friendly and I was lonely, so I invited her in. Then she proceeded to stay for 3 days.

I threw her out on her arse last night and dusted off all her ridiculousness.

Now the scale taunts me with water weight and stored carbs. I could continue to care and spend my day worrying about every single morsel I put in my mouth or just get off the merry go round.

Going in circles is fun until you realize you are going nowhere fast.

I’m off the merry go round, but am still reeling from how fast it can spin. Its going to take a few days for the dizziness to subside but I would rather be on the straight and narrow with a granola bar hangover and my self esteem intact than holding on to the merry go round for dear life.

Don’t be afraid to put your hand up and say, ‘Wait just a darn minute!” and claim what you want and where you want to go. Then go get it even if it means being dizzy for awhile.

You aren’t the only dizzy one walking the straight and narrow.

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Comments

  1. chRYSTAL COOK says:

    soooo that was awesome to read, im finding this week really difficult for food for me, its sooo wierd, i have been not well for a couple months or so with getting stomach aches whenever i ate so its been kinda good in a bad sort of way but now i found out ive had some kind of stomach bacteria and was put on a whole bunch of different antibiotics, i took them and my stomach seems to be ok although im still taking one of the pills prevacid to help it not feel bad so im not really sure if its over but anyhow now i just wanna eat, and not sure but workouts are realy hurting me not sure if its something to do with the antibiotics or im just workin out harder…..but im still feeling mondays workout alot…..do you think the antibiotics coulda made it liek that….????

    • Well DOMS can linger….I am sometimes sore for four days if I pushed way too hard. If you’re concerned about the stomach issues I would call or go see your doctor, they are WAY smarter than I am. 😀

  2. Aww 🙁 I could not weigh myself every day, it would be too ED triggering for me I think! I try to do it only once every 2-3 weeks…

  3. Again, Donloree. i swear you’re talking to me…I am one of those “gotta weigh myself everyday gals” in order to stay on track. I’m going to begin writing down when I do spin out or even when I am tempted to…I’m curious what I find out about myself. Thanks again for the great read….

    • I am so glad that this post connected with you. Since spending time writing down what happens, how I feel, and what is going on it has helped me to recognize what is going on and for me to stay in control of the situation. It feels great to be in control rather than be a victim of feelings and circumstance. One thing I do know is that you are going to find out some fabulous things about yourself! I’m excited for you!!

  4. I feel you SO much right now. I did a post about this yesterday actually, and was surprised to see how many others are going through this right now too. We all have different reasons for emotional eating, but it always ends up the same. We eat, we don’t feel better, then we feel bad for having over eaten. That’s how I feel at least.

    I know the numb feeling you’re talking about too. You don’t feel anything when you do it. (“you” general. Not you, Donloree)

    <3

    Do something nice for yourself. Get a massage if you can afford it/fit it in. I did, yesterday afternoon at the suggestion of one of my readers. It made a world of difference.

  5. I could have wrote this because the uncontrolled part was me just 7 days ago. I decided it was time to get back in control of my weight and lose the 10 pounds I have gained. I started the 17Day Diet and it was the best decision I could have done for my weight, for my sanity, and for my blood sugar.

    I hope you can fine the key to get back in control too. We are in this together!

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