What Are You Thinking?

I freely admit that I am a recovering emotional eater.

I find myself in the kitchen when I am stressed, sad, overwhelmed, happy, confused, angry, tired, or bored.

So pretty much all the time.

Almost all the food in the house is clean, which makes it less appealing to binge on, but let me tell you it can be done. For the most part I have overcome my emotional eating which makes me very proud and happy.

Heck, I have three jars of nut butter in my house that are not scared for their lives.

DL – 412, Food Nemesis – 0

But then there are the days when I run into the deep rooted feeling and fears that I hide in the basement closet of my heart. My gut instinct is to relieve the pressure and pain in my heart by feeling something in my stomach. I want to distract myself and have a reason for feeling horrible.

I used to do this by eating a few bags of Doritos, a family sized bag of peanut butter M&M’s, and perhaps a bowl of ice cream with a heaping side of peanut butter.

I didn’t think. I just felt and then I ate…a lot.

The things that I had told myself previously would come to the surface and I never questioned them.

I felt them and acted out accordingly.

  • I am worthless
  • I am powerless
  • This is the best it will ever get
  • Success is unattainable
  • I am unlikeable
  • Not matter how hard you try you will never be enough

If those things are true, then eating food until I fall into a carb induced coma seems measured and reasonable.

What if they aren’t true?

Perhaps I haven’t reached my potential, rather I have only reached the place my lazy thinking has brought me.

What if I thought and then reacted?

  • What do I want?
  • What is happening?
  • Who I am?
  • What is true?

Yesterday when all I wanted to do was dive head first into a chocolate cake, I was able to walk away with my head held high.

Instead of shoving my face with food, I thought about it and got some interesting answers.

  • I want a full, dynamic, and impacting life
  • I am afraid to ask for help
  • I am an amazing woman and don’t need to be ashamed of it
  • I constantly limit and diminish myself

Notice ‘eating a Costco sized chocolate birthday cake‘ did not make it on the list.

If I want to change, I need to change my thinking.

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it.

~Henry Ford

The biggest win of yesterday was not remaining true to my eating plan; rather it was increasing the awareness of myself and what is possible.

The impossible is possible.

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  1. Alli Siemens says

    Great post, as usual! You have put into words my life long battle with food also! Proud that I, too, have mostly conquered it. But interestingly, I am in the middle of writing a post right now about the power of our minds… apparently we have a theme going on –lol!

  2. Chrystal cook says

    That’s awesome I think I am getting better at it but I think my struggle is with friends and my mind goes soooo I was visiting friends for the weekend we went to mcdonalds cus they wanted to so we walk in I couldn’t even stand the smell I ordered a bottle of water we are sitting at the table and they are eating and for a second I want to but then know how I will feel emotionallly after and the expression of dissappointment I would see from my trainer so I don’t however the next day we went to Costco and they were getting fries with gravy sooo I gave in thinking well I didn’t eat mcdonalds so not so bad then I felt bad and they didn’t even taste worth it won’t do that again SO yah then I met with my trainer yesterday and told her about the trip to mcdonalds and told her to guess what I ate and the look on her face woulda broke my heart except I knew I didnt eat that then she was happy!!!! Phew I know I won’t always be perfect and I’ll make mistakes but my brain is thinking and I’ll get stronger the cravings are kinda hard right now cus pms symptoms are startin so I gotta fight it even more!!!!!!! Sorry for the book n I still need to write my blog I just don’t know what to write!!!!

    • bikiniorbust says

      I think we need to redefine perfect. What is perfect is just doing our best and never giving up? That sounds perfect to me.

  3. Awesome post! I feel the same, in fact, can I just copy and paste that blog for my blog post today. Thanks. That will save me a lot of time! 😉 (just kidding, of course!)

    Comp prep really helped me deal with my emotional eating. Like you, I could curl up with a bag of peanut butter M&M’s like nobody’s business, but, surprisingly, my trainer did not include those as part of my diet! I was forced to face the issues I was trying to smother with food. Prep has changed my life and I can’t wait to do it again!

    Thanks for another great post!

    • bikiniorbust says

      Ahh, thank you. Yes, it changes you for the better. 🙂 I can’t wait to have you do it again either.

  4. I think I AM an emotional eater.

    I don’t want to be or mean to be and when I am on a “plan” I tend to stick to what I am told (other then that “meltdown” I told oyu about). I am not on fruits etc so I have learned not to eat them. Its funny I craved them all the time and now I don’t mind that they are gone. But. I do recognize I have a problem. Especially on my low days. Food can be torture. I don’t think many people understand it except those who have gone through it.

    MY problem is I fear food. And what it CAN do. I don’t crave the sugars like I used to but worry about keeping things like nut butter in those house because I am afraid for them haha.

    So I avoid. And avoidance is not necessarily dealing with it but perhaps coping? With it?
    It’s a constant battle for me but I AM making strides to overcome it 🙂

    Always saying what’s on my mind D 🙂

    • bikiniorbust says

      I love that you are always saying whats on your mind. One of my favorite things about you. 🙂

  5. You’ve made such a transformation in your body, and your mind is slowly following. Thank for sharing your emotional journey; remember that you have a whole group of people who support you and care about you. I vote that you keep repeating positive affirmations every day and pretty soon, you won’t even doubt that what you’re saying is true! Congrats on not giving in to the emotional eating yesterday! That’s a clear indication of amazing progress!! 🙂

  6. That was really good to read. I think people underestimate the importance of thoughts and attitudes because ultimately they decide everything we do in life. We have to train our thoughts just as much as our body!

  7. Excellent post! Thanks!

  8. Yeah, that’s so awesome. Hello, my name is Lacey and I am also a recovering emotional eater. Today I feel depleted and would love to have myself some hummus – hummus to me is like nut butter for you. And I can’t remember where this quote came from but it always has stuck with me during times where I want something badly “A person who wants something will find a way. A person who doesn’t will find an excuse.” No excuses, I want this. 🙂

    • bikiniorbust says

      I say be it. You are it. Some days I have super bad form at the gym, but it doesn’t mean that I am not a bodybuilder. It happens.

  9. This is great. I too am an emotional eater. And an everything else eater. Jeez, just last week I ate three cookies in a matter of 5 minutes. They were so freaking good. I could have kept going! I wasn’t sad, depressed, or stressed. I just wanted them. I have no idea why I do that sometimes and I’m still learning myself. You have come SO far, what a great feeling!!

  10. Fantastic post. I’m going to share this with some of my girls who have these issues. I don’t emotionally eat, but I eat crap post-workout because I’m RAVENOUS. Even after chicken, veggies and occasionally a starch, I’m STILL STARVING. that’s when the crap comes. but not today my friend.. not today. today i had a SECOND bowl of broccoli. it was delicious and i feel so freaking awesome about myself i just had to post on here so you could see how awesome i am too. hehehehe

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