What Do You Do With The Fat Girl?

Imagine your best friend calls you on the phone in quite the panic. EVERYTHING is going wrong and her world is falling apart. She is only hanging on by a thread and is saying all sorts of horrible things about herself.

“I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“I am a horrible woman.”

“Nothing about me is good.”

“Ugly. Fat. Stupid. Unsuccessful. This is WHO I AM.”

Would you tell her in a harsh voice to get a grip on reality?

Or that she needs to go away and come back when she has it together?

Or to just get over herself already?

Of course not.

You would hear her out, help her see what is true, and offer a helping hand and a heart of grace.

When the Fat Girl shows up in the mirror, in the change room at Lululemon, or right behind you when you open the fridge why are you less than understanding and have no grace for her?

She is an amazing part of your story.

In actuality, she is part of who you are. Everyone has dark moments and hard things in their lives. The longer we ignore and the harder we deny these things, the more hold they have over our lives. No matter how it appears on the outside, we all struggle on the inside.

Love your neighbor as yourself….what if we loved ourselves as our neighbor?

And what if that includes the Fat Girl?

I have spent nearly two decades rebuking the Fat Girl with little to no success. Over the last few months I have tried a new strategy. I have started to love her. Love the story and pain that she holds and see that despite her size and lack of self esteem, she is valuable beyond measure.

She is a part of me that I cannot get rid of and now don’t know if I want to get rid of.

How have I done this?

Listen and Love

The Fat Girl usually shows up when I am scared or hurt. The fear and pain is real and its important that I feel it; but its more important that I name it and am kind to myself. I take time to remind myself of what is true and replace the anger and fear with love and hope.

I am amazing, determined, valuable, smart, accomplished, and beautiful.

Don’t Avoid

I used to run away whenever the Fat Girl showed up. This meant not talking to people at parties, not looking in mirrors, avoiding working out with others, or sharing my struggles.  I kept to the places that were ‘safe‘, which for me usually meant the kitchen. I knew that the Fat Girl was comfortable in the kitchen and that the cinnamon rolls didn’t judge.

Embrace the newness of stepping out of your comfort zone and if the Fat Girl needs to come, make sure she’s wearing her sassy dancing shoes.

Take Note and Take A Stand

Interestingly enough the Fat Girl doesn’t show up when I am just killing it and on top of the world. When my a-game is on I can look in a mirror and see a sassy and cute woman that is changing the world.

When I fail, am wearing clothes that don’t fit or I don’t like the number on the tag, feel lonely, or am working hard but can’t see appreciable results she is like my conjoined twin. I can’t even go to the bathroom without asking her permission!

Taking note of the times she shows up helps to reduce the shock factor of seeing her in the mirror or having her whisper in my ear as I ‘window shop‘ the pantry and fridge. I basically tell her, ‘Oh hello! I was expecting you today.’ Then like the champion that I am growing to become, I take a stand.

When I was 220 pounds I was not successful and hated myself. I am worth fighting for and so is the Fat Girl.

Declare a statement out loud about your success and how you are choosing to be a champion in that moment for both you and the Fat Girl.

Every single moment of your life is valuable.

The past moments, the future moments, and the present moments. Nothing, not one moment no matter how dark or ugly, needs to be thrown away.

You are amazing and uniquely made. You are a world changer. You are a woman.

The woman that you are wouldn’t be possible with the Fat Girl; and that makes her valuable beyond measure as well.

Don’t just love yourself as your neighbor; love yourself more.

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  1. Very well said!

  2. Alli Siemens says

    This is totally what I needed to hear today. The past few days have been rough for some reason, and I too, am starting to realize that this “previous” version of myself likes to creep up and tell me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be my best. I like your perspective on this… all those past experiences make us who we are today – I need to embrace that instead of fear it. Thank you for sharing this!!

  3. Chrystal cook says

    Wowwwwwwwwwww that was amazinggggggggg!!!!!! You just gave me a more renewed sense of hope thAnks sooo much I’m gonna post this on my Facebook in hopes my friends will read it!!!!!

  4. One thing I have trouble with when I look in the mirror is to see myself for who i truly am….I still see the overweight girl…and have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I look ok! that I AM worth fighting for. Hence this fitness competition. I WANT this. I NEED it and I WORTH it.

    I know it sounds silly but you’re right…you need to visualise the things you want, put it out in the world and you WILL get there you will achieve. it.

    50% of the battle is believing you can do it and 50% of the battle is believing you are worth it.

    The rest of it will fall into place.

  5. I love this. period.

  6. Yeah. You’re such a good friend. I love hearing what you have to say about stuff like this. 🙂

  7. The amazing thing is the when you were the “fat girl” you were still amazing, determined, valuable, smart, accomplished, and beautiful. Perhaps, you just didn’t know it. I would say that what makes you think more positively about yourself now is a change in attitude not weight, although there are many benefits to being fit and loosing weight. The point, keep on being the best Donloree you can be!

  8. Great post! Your words of encouragement are so needed to so many out there. Love it!

  9. Michelle says

    Just came across your blog…..Wow great post!!! Thanks for sharing! Its important to remember that you never know what anyone has been through, I would have never thought you weighed 220 lbs. You look great, and are a great inspiration…you give me hope and for that I thank you!!

  10. I love this post. I’m loving myself today and going forward. I have a wonderful story and I never would have came to be “wonderful me” without my past story. I just keep on working on a better me.

    Also, how in the world did I miss this post originally?

    • bikiniorbust says

      I don’t know how you missed it, but I am glad you read it. You have a wonderful past and an even more fantabulous future.

  11. This is such an intelligent and beautiful article. This is what I will be working on henceforth – to try and stop hating the vision in the mirror which isn’t even reality. What a wonderful person you are!

  12. I needed to read this. Have been feeling pretty down about my “Fat Girl” and this really helped put my mind in a better state. Thank you 🙂

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