Bound and Gagged

Every week I send Joe and Sean a weekly summary of my food, workouts, and thoughts. The poor men usually have a 3 page long email to sift through. It just seems there is always so much to talk about! You know, super important things, like how I refrained from eating a jar of nut butter, the fact that I may actually have back muscles, and how all my clothes are way too tight.

They both deserve sainthood.

I am starting to feel better and optimistic about competing in the fall. In my email on Sunday, I sent them some possible dates for competitions.

The competitions that I am looking at for the fall are as follows:
  1. INBF Alberta Cup – Oct 29 (Its in Edmonton so that would be easiest for me and I like easy!)
  2. IDFA – Oct 22 (In Calgary so the travel is minimal and my sister will let me stay her house even if I am oompah loompah colored)
  3. INBF Vancouver Cup – Sept 10 (I think this is way too soon….but God may just send us a miracle…I believe in miracles!)
I know we will take it as it comes, but having a goal in mind is always good. I promise that I will not kill my body this time like I did in October 2010 just to compete. I will listen to my body and to you and we’ll push the ‘go’ button when we are ready. I may not like it, but if I am going to be the best Donloree on the planet I have to be patient.

Why did I have to take the high road?

Joe’s response, as always, was in the usual ‘What do you want? I’m totally here for you and will support you to get what you want’ tone which I love and hate.

“To compete in October you’ll have to start dieting June 1. Are you ready for that boss?”

My heart immediately leapt to it’s feet and screamed, “YEESSSSS!!!! When and were do we start?

Then I listened for my body’s response and all I heard was a muffled yelp and a loud *thwuck* noise from under the stairs. When I went to see what the cause of the noises were, I found my body bound and gagged under the stairs.

Apparently it has a lot to say, but I have shoved it out of the way and let my heart and mind lead my life.

It was just easier in the short term.

I ripped the duct tape off its mouth and words that are not blog appropriate came pouring out.

  • My heart is running way ahead of my body.
  • My mind is made of iron and I can will myself to do absolutely anything.
  • My body is like a teddy bear that has been loved to death by a 4 year old. It’s arms and legs are falling off, one eye is completely missing and the other is hanging on by a thread, and its losing stuffing FAST.

June first is 14 days away.

I have an eye to find, stuffing to shove back into me, and arms and legs that are in desperate need of repair.

I’m going to let my heart run free and dream.

I’m going to let my mind will me to do what is right for my body and learn patience.

There is no set time that I MUST compete at. Rather there is a set woman that I MUST be, which is healthy, happy, strong, and world changing.

I need two eyes and appendages that are firmly attached in order to change the world.

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  1. hahahaha! I LOVE this post! Good for you, listening to your body. It’s a hard thing to do.
    Best Wishes!!

  2. So wise! I agree with all that you’ve said, and it seems like you will definitely be well-prepared for whichever competition you decide upon!

  3. Saw the accompanying note about this post on your FB page. So does this mean you may not compete in the fall? Whatever you decide, it will be right. for you. There will be many competitions to choose from. Health trumps all!

    • bikiniorbust says

      Yup, it is looking like no fall competition for me. BUT that is a-ok. 🙂 This is a journey about learning to the best and most healthy me possible; not a half dead lady in a bikini!

      • Tiffany Miller says

        I think you made the right choice, the stage isn’t going anywhere and all your friends want to see you happy and healthy.

        • bikiniorbust says

          Exactly. No one wants to see a semi-comatose Donloree in a bikini no matter how lean she is! 🙂

  4. OMG! I just laughed out loud! Thanks the the laughter. LOVE the way you put this. I agree with you completely. I think the only way you can compete is to gag and bind your body. I think relearning how to truly listen to your body is the biggest challenge EVER! I’m in that boat and it’s a tough one!

    Good for you and so glad you’re listening to your body. It will only make your competition that much sweeter!

    Hugs to you! Great job!

  5. You seriously took the words right out of my head!! I loved this! You will be fabulous when it all comes together and you step on stage, regardless of when that is 🙂

  6. so..i’m just going to come out and say it..I LOVE YOU. the person you are is wonderful. i really do hope that you will be ready for prep on June 1st, but if’s ok..there are other shows. JUST TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST :). Hugs!!!

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