How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

A Figure Competitor’s love sonnet for her favorite grocery store.

by Donloree Hoffman & Elizabeth Barrett Browning


My heart swells with love...

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My stomach can reach, full of endless egg whites

Egg whites

Be still my heart!

For the ends of Being and ideal place.

I love thee to the level of apple’s grace

Gala apples

Gala's grace...

The amount of cinnamon you provide

Keeps my competitor macros in stride


My weekly consumption of cinnamon!

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

Your almond butter, makes the world right;

Almond Butter

Everything is ok...there is just enough almond butter to go around.

I love thee purely, as they stock the aisles.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my fat girl’s faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost carbs, — I love thee with the breath,

Greek yogurt

An endless supply; enough to meet all my needs.

Greek yogurt of all my life! — and, if God choose,

I shall but shop thee better after death.

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  1. Ahh egg whites… all the cell wall slashing, gut flora slaughtering goodness of lysozyme and neutrient sabbatoging avidin without the pesky protective and energy giving fats and essential vitamins and minerals.

    Eating just one egg yolk will give you better than 80% of the RDA of the following great things:
    Calcium, Iron, Phosphorus, Zinc, Copper, Manganese, Thiamin, B6, Pantothenic acid, Folate, B12, Vitamin A, Vitamin E, Vitamin D, Vitamin K, Carotenoids

    You’ll be getting about half your Riboflavin and Selenium too.

  2. Hmm… I’ve been trying to convince my husband that we should become Costco members. I wonder if your sonnet would help?

  3. All hail the mighty and great Costco.

  4. LOVE! I’m very upset though, my stores (we have Sam’s club and BJ’s, same thing though) do not have almond butter! We are known to spend $300 a pop everytime we go there. BAD! =)

    • bikiniorbust says

      I go once a week so I spent less per visit….somehow it makes it easier to swallow. It is a dangerous place, that is for sure!!

  5. Chantelle says

    Who the heck is NA and what business does he have bashing eggwhites?????? Don’t you think we know all of that crap about egg yolks??? Either you’re on the competitor band waggon or you’re not.

    Anyway on to more important matters, that was a beautiful piece dear. This reminded me that I have to go get MORE EGGWHITES. 😛

  6. Can you believe that I JUST got a membership to Costco about a month ago!??!? What the heck was wrong with me?!?! I had no idea what I was missing 🙂


  7. You’re so cute. 🙂

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