Pickles Should Come With Warning Labels

I am THAT woman…the woman that doesn’t read directions.

Need a shelf assembled? No problem! I just grab the pieces and start assembling.

Warning labels are a whole different thing.

If there is a warning label I am sure to read it. I need to know if there is the possibility of choking, death, growing a third arm, or anything like that. I like to know the risks, not the how tos.

I don’t know when the pickle was invented, but I am pretty sure that a carb depleted Figure Competitor invented them. Very little carbs, tasty as can be, and they go with everything. Why she didn’t create a warning label for them, I am not sure.

They look so safe! And Kosher? Doesn't that mean everyone can and should eat them?

Since she neglected to write the warning label, I wrote it for you.

“Warning – Do not use as a low carb food indulgence at 10:00 pm right before you go to bed. Consuming copious amounts pickles right before bedtime may result in a night filled with strange nightmares and extreme stomach pains. Enjoy as a garnish or in small quantities throughout the day.”

Had this warning label been on my jar of pickles it would have saved me from 8 hours of nightmares that included me competing without a tan. Do you have any idea the amount of fear and sheer panic this caused? I kept running around, grabbing people by the shirt in panic, and demanding, “someone spray me brown and QUICK!!!

It was the Figure Competitor’s version of showing up at school in your underwear.

Pickles…who knew they could cause such torment?

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Comments

  1. Ha ha ha! I will make sure to not eat them before bed and only enjoy one or two as a garnish!

  2. LOL – Ive had that exact dream! Or the one where I turn up with no bikini .. or the one where I turn up and completely forgot about the show and havent dieted!

  3. Dominique says:

    Remember how many olives I ate last week. If only they were as healthy as pickles- I think my salt intake is good for – a month;)

  4. Hahahahahahaha! I prefer the Klausen pickles myself. Oddly enough, I’ve never had the “go to work without pants” dream until last night. I think it was THE night for strange dreams.

  5. HAHA! I LOVE pickles too. We always have them in the house. Yum!

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