Not What I Wanted, But Perhaps What I Needed

Today at 2:30 am, I woke up with butterflies of excitement in my stomach. I contemplated getting up and starting the day just because is my specialist appointment day! The day I have been waiting and waiting and WAITING for.

I willed myself back to sleep.

When the alarm rang two hours later, I sprang out of bed and into action. All my supplements were compiled, food logs were gathered, and the Hashimoto-Loree Tracking sheets were printed.

Everything came with me! This way there would be no questions! I am ready for whatever he could ask me about.

I was armed and prepared to get exactly what I wanted, which was a plan of attack. I was coming out victorious, no matter what!

Dressed for success! I will not leave without my answers!

While driving to the appointment, I prepared a speech to give to the doctor. It went something like this:

“I am very glad to be here today and appreciate your time. I have waited weeks and weeks and weeks to meet with you. I have TONS of questions and would like to discus each and every one of them with you. I am focussed on being the healthiest woman I can be, I live a very healthy lifestyle, and have done everything to the best of my ability to increase my health yet I still feel horrible. I want to partner with you for success.”

I even put on my game face.

I shall not be trifled with!

An elderly doctor shuffled in with his glasses dangling off the end of his nose. We exchanged pleasantries and I started in on my speech.  Halfway through the first sentence I was interrupted when he vehemently disagreed that I had waited as long as I had for this appointment.

My determination started to dwindle like a helium ballon with a slow leak.

The next 20 minutes were spent reading the letter from the referring doctor and trying to log into the computer to get my medical records.

From there things just went downhill.

  • He did not believe that I had numb hands and feet for hours indoors.
  • I talked too fast for him and in my panic I made less sense than I wanted to make.
  • We spent 15 minutes going through my supplements, yet he didn’t want to hear about all my symptoms.
  • Bodybuilding was a bizarre idea to him and he didn’t know why I worked out if I felt so horrible.
  • How I looked went against me, I should have come looking glassy eyed and desperate. Apparently forging ahead in life even though you feel bad means you’re fine.
  • He did not believe me that I was gluten, dairy, and sugar free. I spent 5 minutes going over my diet and clearly explaining the lack of these items but he decided that I was still ingesting them.
  • I showed him the muffin top and burst into tears. At this point he just looked bewildered and agreed that I carry a ton of fat around my mid section.

Then before I knew what was happening I found myself in a paper gown waiting to be examined.

Brrrr! This is not going the way I want!

45 minutes later I was still waiting with no feeling in my feet or hands and I was getting hangrier by the minute! My Figure Competitor brain was left in the car with my next meal. I seriously contemplated running out to the parking lot in the gown just to grab the next meal.

Then the examination started.

PSA for all doctors everywhere. BEFORE you whip down the top of a woman’s paper gown, please tell her that is what you are going to do. It doesn’t matter if she’s been on a stage wearing a small suit that has been glued onto her body, common courtesy is to let the woman know what you are about to do.

After being told my blood pressure was low and that my heart rate was too low, my thyroid was checked.

This involves swallowing water while the doctor grabs your throat. And apparently it needs to be done several times.

Panic set in as I felt like I was being choked. I nearly knocked him over and ran out of the exam room with only the paper gown for protection.

No clear action plan was given, but tons of tests and two ultra sounds have been requested. I am to give vials upon vials of blood in a fasted state to help diagnose what my many issues are. Every competitor out there can commiserate with me on having to fast! Breakfast is possibly the most glorious part of the day!!

I left feeling like a forgotten toy that was run over by a mac track.

My prescription was filled while I struggled to keep my tears at bay. There was no reason to blubber all over the pharmacist at Safeway.

On the way home I longed to just eat and eat and eat to cover up my feelings of sadness and anger. The nut butter was calling my name, but I left it alone and reached out to the fabulous Bikini or Bust Competitors who were gracious enough to listen to my woes.

Then I called my husband and sobbed on the phone and hurt his ears with my vigorous nose blowing.

So its not going to be easy.

Know what? There are going to be harder things in life to overcome. I am building my muscles for the steeper slopes that I will have to climb in this journey.

While getting my butt absolutely handed to me by Mark this afternoon, I realized that this is hard but it doesn’t mean it can’t not be done. He challenged me on the ‘I can’t‘ and the ‘this is hard‘.

I can and I will.

It is merely unknown and takes time to build up the strength to do it well.

I work my arse off every day in the gym and I will work just as hard in life to get the health that each of us deserves.

Today I walked away from the appointment with nothing that I wanted, but perhaps its just what I needed – stronger muscles for life.

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  1. Nadia-Chai says

    I’m glad you posted about this, as I wanted to know what happened in more than 140 characters.
    I had the numb hands and feet for a while, and increasing my vitamin D level helped a lot. I also had low blood pressure for a while, and was told to add salt in my diet. Which I did and it helped a lot.
    I don’t know if you know about it, but got a great forum, with people who knows about thyroid problems. They helped me understand a lot and find some solutions.
    I’m sorry to hear your appointment didn’t go well. Trust me, out of everyone on this planet, I understand what it’s like to have hashi and meeting a doctor who don’t get me 🙁
    ~Offers a hug~

    • bikiniorbust says

      Awesome lady! I really appreciate the resource. I will check it out later today. I should have lower blood pressure and heart rate with all the working out that I do – part of being healthy. 🙂 I will just keep going and continue my quest for expertise in Hashimoto-ness while kicking butt and getting my pro card! Let’s do this thing girl!!

  2. Donloree, I’m sad to hear you had such an unproductive visit… It’s so frustrating when someone won’t listen to you when you know you are speaking the truth! I will pray that your specialist gets overwhelming results with all of the tests so that he HAS to believe you next time! So great to see the attitude you are taking along with this. Did you keep the other specialist appointment you were hoarding? Maybe that one will listen to you?

    • bikiniorbust says

      Yes!! I kept that appointment and will be going to it! I need to have a doctor that I can talk with that doesn’t make me feel abused by the time I leave. Going to take the bazillion tests and keep going with trying to find someone that will listen to me. Thanks for checking in!

  3. Sorry your appointment wasn’t what you thought it would be… I hope you will get some answers sooner or later. Hang in there! I love you lots and can’t wait to see you this weekend.

    • bikiniorbust says

      My beautiful nieces will be better medicine to me than any hormones. Can’t wait to see you either.

  4. Hang in there, Donloree! Hopefully all those tests will result in some answers & eventually you’ll have the plan of attack that you’re looking for. I’ll be praying for you.

  5. Sorry to hear it, Donloree, but not surprised…(I think I saw the same guy – the examination ‘procedure’ was ALL TOO SIMILAR – I think it’s his standard mode of operation. ICK.)
    Unfortunately I have found I need to read the doctor before I share the diets I do, the workouts, even some of the weird symptoms, or they write me off! I now never mention my diet unless they ask, because then they think I am neurotic. And the heart palpitations when I eat wheat – never mention it, they just dismiss everything else I say…I could go on, but you know this too well.

    All I can say is, listen to your body and be very kind to it. It is human and can be fragile – and go to the doc, but don’t expect too much. The let-downs are way too painful!!

    Take care, Hashimoto-sis!

    • bikiniorbust says

      Thanks for confirming the thoughts rolling around in my head from yesterday. Its like they each have a trigger point that shuts them down. I do not think I am an expert or think that I know more than he does, but I sure know way more ABOUT ME than he does.

      I think I am going to have to park my butt in a medi-centre and ask for a referral to a doctor in the city that has been recommended to me since my doctor WILL NOT refer me to that doctor. Time for a whole new set of doctors.

      Thanks for the encouragement. Always good to hear from my fellow Hashimotarians! 🙂

  6. Perhaps you should try a Doc. In the US. You pay for it, but at least they want you as a customer, and you can usually see the specialist of your choice in days instead of weeks. Seriously worth a try.

  7. Sometimes doctors aren’t the answer. I spent 2 years of tests/changes/things/MRIs/etc to go off a few results to find out “what was wrong” based on my symptoms and a couple test results that weren’t “right.” Turns out it’s IBS. There are some things that irritate my stomach, and some that don’t. Some things that make me bloat, some that don’t. Not at all saying you have IBS, just saying that I think I saw 6 different doctors at least, including GI specialists, and now that I’ve been able to realize this, 99% of my symptoms are gone. Turns out the “weird test results” were just regular abnormalities some people “just have.” red herrings in this case.

    and…..I’m in the US.

    There’s hope for you, don’t worry. You’ll find your answers, just maybe not where you think. Good luck

  8. Aw … I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t go as you’d hoped! 🙁 It sounds like the dr wasn’t very interested in helping you, and that’s really sad. I’m praying your next appt goes better, and you finally get some answers. Yes, these experiences are helping you grow your life muscles, and I admire you for choosing to turn a negative experience into a learning experience.

  9. Hang in there beautiful, there is hope! This is just the beginning. I’ll keep you in my thoughts are prayers and hopefully soon you will see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve said it before but boy, you’re the strongest woman I know. Keep your head held high and don’t let them get you down.

  10. could any of the supplements maybe be stalling the progress you’re looking for with the “muffin top”? sometimes they can interact with each other (vitamins definitely do!) to form side compounds or to hinder the absorption of another. I found that the fewer “helpful supplements” I took, the better I felt. I still have a couple, but experimenting helped a bit, because some things that I read that really helped some people progress, didn’t help me, and actually hurt my progress (with getting/stayling lean and energized).

    Just a thought! : )

    • bikiniorbust says

      Good thought! I bailed on most food and am putting foods back in to see how I feel, perhaps I should just do the same with supplements! Love the suggestion.

      • yeah I did this by accident- I ran out of bvitamins and waited about a week or so to get to the store to replenish, and felt really blah all week, and didn’t know why. then I synched up the times and it turned out that they help me feel energized. it can be hard sometimes to see the effects when they are long term, but it’s worth a shot. sometimes I’ve felt that docs get caught up in the fact you’re using supplements, too, and try to blame all problems you have on that, so sometimes I don’t tell them if it’s just a distraction. like if I say I take extra biotin, they’re much more likely to target that or get distracted by it since it’s an additional factor. so that might help too- it’s good to be honest but if there are things you already know work for you, then maybe don’t declare them unless your doc asks about them directly- then you’ll know more that it’s an important factor.

  11. As a nurse it breaks my heart to hear that a health care professional is not listening! When you’re in that room you should not feel judged, you should feel like you’re the only patient he has. Sometimes paid health is not the answer either though-they can run tests you don’t need and just give the answers they think you want, instead of what you need, although agree that sometimes you do get more focus from them,especially if you get a good one. Have you thought about seeking out a true sports medicine doctor. They will get your diet, exercise plus understand disease process, there’s some really good ones out there, it just might take a bit of searching. I admire your persistence and find inspiration in you…many hugs and good luck!:-)

  12. Here’s a couple of links if you’re interested, some of these clinics are private and some are public funded. The good thing about private sometimes is that they have gone that way so they can do things their way with more time. Also have you checked out Lissa Rankin on twitter and She’s a doctor with a new way of looking at the world….sorry for the long comments 🙂

    • bikiniorbust says

      No worries about the long comments! I appreciate the time and attention that it takes to write out the comments and look up the references for me. I will definitely check them out. You are so sweet to share the information with me. 🙂

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