We go to the bathroom A LOT and rarely alone

Figure Competitors drink a ton of water every day; usually 3-4 litres a day.

I am constantly running, sometimes sprinting, to the bathroom. I know where almost every public washroom is at in most stores that I frequent. Heck, I even STOPPED shopping at a certain grocery store because they don’t have a public washroom.

Funny thing about women is that we go to the bathroom together.

Even though I am a woman I wasn’t sure why we went in groups; so one day I broke the rule and went alone.

My best friend and I were out shopping at our favorite store looking for high-end jeans and designer shoes on clearance with coffee in hand.

Halfway through the jeans section my very efficient kidneys got to work on my partially finished coffee. I looked up and my girlfriend was nowhere in sight.  Due to the conditioning of going to the bathroom as a group, I searched the perimeter of the store to see if she wanted to come along to the bathroom.  I couldn’t find her and my kidneys were officially backing up with all the water and now coffee.

I went to the bathroom alone.

There were only 3 stalls, one of which did not have toilet paper and the other looked like a biohazard suit was required to enter.  I took the only option available to me but didn’t know what to do with my coffee. Suddenly I realized it would have been good to have my girlfriend there to guard it.  What if I left it on the counter and the cleaning lady came and threw it out?  It wasn’t a risk I was willing to take, so I took it in with me despite feeling awkward about it.

Exiting the stall, I grabbed my coffee and tried to unlatch the door.

It would not open.

I put the coffee down and used both hands and all my might, but the door remained firmly locked.  I pushed, pounded, jiggled, and shook the door, yet I remained locked in the bathroom stall…all alone.

Bewildered as what to do next, I sat down and waited for an unsuspecting woman to use the stall without toilet paper.  I devised a plan that was dependent on the woman not checking the paper supply.

Women in Paperless Stall – Oh my!  There seems to be no toilet paper in here.
DL – Oh boy!  That’s not good!  Do you want me to pass you some toilet paper?
WiPS – Yes please.  That would be splendid.
DL – OK.  One condition though.
WiPS – Conditional toilet paper?
DL – Yes.  I am stuck in here and require a Phillips screwdriver to remove the door of the stall.  I will give you toilet paper if you promise to come back with the necessary tools to free me from this stall.
WiPS – Ummm…OK….

I waited patiently for 20 minutes, yet no one came.

I tried using a dime to remove the door from the stall to no avail.

I was reduced to yelling for help.

Still no one came.

My coffee was finished as was my patience.  I took matters into my own hands.  There were only 2 options of escape; over or under.  Taking into account my tendency to fall over and near death experiences, I chose under.  Taking a deep breath and an assessment of the public bathroom floor’s lack of cleanliness, I dropped to the ground, shoved my purse out ahead of me, and started the task of birthing myself out of the stall.

Halfway through my escape I heard the creak of the door open to reveal a very shocked woman looking down at me.

After 25 minutes of being locked in a public bathroom stall I merely continued emerging from my bathroom prison, stood up, and gathered as much dignity as possible while brushing about a week’s worth of bathroom grime off my chest.

My explanation of, “Umm…Hello…I was locked in…” didn’t help to wipe the look of complete confusion and amazement off the woman’s face.

I was so happy to be free that I just continued to brush off the grime that accumulated on my body during my escape, washed my hands, and went in search of an employee to let them know they were down one stall in the ladies room.

Now I know why women go to the bathroom in groups.

You never know when you need someone to watch your coffee or go in search of power tools to free you from a bathroom stall.

I learned my lesson the hard way and haven’t gone alone since.

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  1. Tiffany Miller says

    This is hilarious! I’ve never had to houdini out of bathroom stall, but, I have had shuffle to the next stall with my pants around my ankles to get tiolet paper. Lucky for me I’ve never been caught with my pants down.

  2. I can’t believe that WiPS didn’t go for help, and left you stranded in the stall!

  3. Too funny!!!

    The other morning after I dropped my daughter off at school, I stopped at the grocery store that is up the road. I had to pee and I KNEW there was no way I was going to be able to hold it for my 20 minute drive to work! In the past I would never pee in public but…yeah….I don’t really have that option anymore 🙂


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