Yoga, Its All Greek To Me!

Deadlifts, hack squats, curls, yo-yo sets, skullcrushers, pushups, rows, and lat pull downs are all things I am familiar with and understand.

After all, I am a Figure Competitor.

Sun salutations, warrior pose, downward dog, and tree pose are not things I am familiar with.

Yoga is a completely different language.

Tell me to monster set incline chest presses, pushups, and bicep curls and I can get it done without question.

If you tell me to get into a warrior pose, followed by a shooting bow and then to finish it off by saluting the sun; you might as well be speaking Greek.

I have no idea what to do, nor can I even start to bend in the ways required to so these randomly named things.

Learning a second language is supposed to make you a well-rounded individual; so I decided to give yoga a try.

Upon entering the studio, I was greeted by calm, bendy people wearing very tight clothing. I suddenly felt like the chubby girl that tries out for cheerleading; awkward, out of place, and not sure what to do next.

While clutching my Pilates mat to my chest, I noticed the bendy people were gathering yoga supplies of blocks, mats, blankets, pillows, cords, and bolsters from a cart on the wall. This was my first real yoga class – no one told me I needed to bring along a yoga checklist!

Luckily the instructor noticed my blank stare and got me all the necessary supplies.

Then the torture began.

She had us bend like circus contortionists on the floor and then told us to rest our head lightly on the floor in front of us.  I was bending as far as womanly possible and my head was a good two feet from even coming close to the floor.  It was so absurd that I started to giggle.  I had a sense that laughing in the calm, unhurried space of yoga class would be unacceptable so I desperately tried to hold it in.  Unfortunately, the laughter came out in pressured bursts with large amounts of spit.

My uncontrollable giggling was not appreciated.  I quickly sobered up by thinking about sad things like never being able to do chin-ups ever again.

She had us try to do things that are completely impossible while saying all manner of words that had more vowels than consonants and at least 12 syllables.  Due to my lack of fluency in the yoga language, I had to covertly watch what the rest of the class did and tried desperately to mimic their movements.

At the end of class we did some final stretches to ‘completely loosen up’ all our tight muscles.  She led us through a stretch that involved putting your left foot on your right knee, bending into a squat, leaning forward, and then merely doing a handstand to deepen the stretch.

Simple.  Right?

I couldn’t get past step two in the task; there was no way a pretzel handstand was up next.  There are only so many times a woman should risk her life doing stupid things and this was not one of those times for me!

Yoga is for masochists. It’s an hour and a half of doing torturous things that are impossible for this Figure Competitor.

I will stick with my power rack, cables, and dumbbells; they do not require a pretzel handstand to get the job done.

There are probably TONS of great benefits I could gain from yoga, but all I can see gaining right now is more character and I think I’ve got enough of that for the time being!

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  1. Sorry to hear you had such a rough class! Should you ever go again, take a friend to grin at when all you want to do is “spit” out laughing.

  2. Tiffany Miller says

    Too funny! I just finished doing yoga with my husband. He wasn’t too thrilled about it, but I’m determined to do my more yoga to help with my recovery and ward off injury (sadly I’m injury prone). I’m no guru and I’m very inflexible, but I love the looseness and relaxation I feel after a good yoga session. My husband, he feels more like you, but whether he likes it or not, I’m making him do it with me! I’ll try and relax and then he’ll make a joke about how his eyes don’t feel soft. Ha!

  3. To funny. I tried yoga once myself. ONCE. I was in serious pain when I left. I think I may have done something wrong. Never again.

  4. I actually quite like yoga .. except for the one time where I fell asleep! 😉

    But I do the downward dog, child pose, upward dog and tree pose after each Ludus session .. does help limber you up 🙂 xx

  5. I totally can’t keep a straight face during yoga either! I’m way more comfortable in the squat rack. 🙂

  6. I used to do a tonne of yoga. Its tough, but it does get easier and more fluid. And it’s great for stretching and working on flexibility particularly if you’re active in other sports.

    Like Julia, I would often fall asleep while in corpse pose at the end, and wake myself up with a big snort.

  7. It’s tough for me too! I’ve tried. I just like sweating like a pig much more =)

    • bikiniorbust says

      I’m with you Lisa! I like to sweat and work as hard as possible, the stretching and breathing is probably SUPER good for you…but….meh! 😉

  8. Funny. A few of my girlfriends do yoga. I have tried a couple of times (in the privacy of my living room) and don’t get it. I think it is harder than weightlifting as well.

    Lifting? Straight forward? Yoga? Hopeless.

    But therein lies my dilemma, I hate being bad at stuff and think yoga would be a great low impact postpartum workout. I will keep you posted.

  9. Yoga does amazing things for the body. It helps give you balance (mental & physical), stability , flexibility and core strength. I hated my first few classes at a gym, then I found a teacher who taught a really tough class. I fell in love because it was physically challenging.

    Now I love my ST 4 times a week, and my HOT yoga 3 – 4 times a week as well. It helps restore and renew your body and compliments our workouts so well. I give yoga a lot of the credit for how lean I am.

    It also helps keep me sane when I feel like I am losing my mind on this diet.

    At some point you could consider giving it another go. Like anything else, it can be overwhelming in the beginning.

    You might like this video. A friend of mine is a Strength & Conditioning coach and I brought him to a Bikram class.. you’ll think this is really funny..

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