Thinking Fat

As some of you know, I used to be VERY ‘fluffy’.  It was demoralizing to be as fluffy as I was; so much mental energy went into thinking about my size and how to make myself a tad bit smaller even if just for a moment.

  • Bathing suits were covered by shorts and t-shirts.
  • Tank tops were NEVER worn
  • I despised having people hug me because they could feel my fat rolls.
  • Summer was not a fun time of year for me because it required less clothing to avoid heat stroke.
  • Long car rides with three people in the backseat were pure torture because I spilled past my seat allowance.
  • I constantly tried to suck my gut in and breathe very shallow just to appear slimmer.
  • When shopping for my wedding dress, one store owner looked me up and down and told me there was no way any of her dresses would fit me and that I should shop elsewhere.
  • I worn men’s jeans and t-shirts and told myself it was cute, but in reality I didn’t want to face the fact that I couldn’t wear normal ladies’ clothes.

To sum it up, I was very uncomfortable in my own skin.  I secretly hated the skinny girls just a wee bit, after all, life dealt them a better hand.  They don’t have to squeeze into foundational garments just to get their dresses zipped up and nylons aren’t a prehistorical torture instrument that cuts their circulation off at the waist while slowly segmenting them into two pieces of woman.

Now I am one of those ‘skinny chicks’, but I find myself thinking fat all the time.

The other day I was commiserating with a friend that was struggling with her weight.  I think I said something like, “Yeah, I just hate those skinny women.”  She looked at me like I had two heads.

It’s time for me to be confident in who I am, no matter what the outside looks like.  For pity sake, I am going to walk on a stage in 5 inch clear heels and a bedazzled bikini!

I think this is one of the reasons I chose to do the Figure Competition.  You not only have to change the outside of yourself, but who you are on the inside in order to walk across that stage with confidence.

On October 16th, there will be no fat thinking done by me!

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  1. I think looking great is important but thinking and acting a little fat from time to time is great too. I’m thin as a rail one of my favorite things to do is to convince another skinny person to eat too much and watch bad TV.

    I think if you are even allowed to enter a competition based on the desirability of your body, you can afford to take some pride in who you are and occasionally “think fat.”

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