Waxing Eloquently About Figure Competitions

There are many things about training for a Figure Competition that I quite enjoy.  I love being stronger than I have ever been before in my life, buying new clothes because all the old ones don’t fit anymore, and shocking people with the quantity of food that I eat in any given day.

As my competition date fast approaches there are many, many things that I have to do and learn about.  The amount of things that I don’t know or haven’t done keep me up late at night, which results in some very interesting Google search results.

There are just some word combinations that should NEVER be Googled…

Nonetheless, I have found out:

  • Vaseline is required for my teeth while on stage so I don’t lick my teeth and look ridiculous
  • 4 days of lead time is required to apply my fake tan
  • Clear plastic heels that are 5 inches tall should be worn
  • There is special glue for adhering your bikini to your buttocks
  • Posing is critical and should be practiced daily for the 2 months leading up to the competition
  • Custom made bikinis can cost up to $3,000 depending on how much bedazzlement you want (and I thought weddings and funerals had the market on ripping people off!)
  • High cut bikinis are best so that your hips get shown off

The last point made me pause.  High cut….

Then I looked at pictures of the suits and one thought consumed my whole brain.


OH MY HOLY GRACIOUS!  Waxing is going to be required for this event.  That one thing, more than any other thing, made me want to back out.

Denial quickly set in and I decided it could be dealt with at a later date.

The days and weeks crept by and I suddenly found myself 9 weeks out from the competition.  I have heard horror stories about waxing which would result in me not being able to compete if I left it to the week before the competition. Realization that this was going to have to be done sooner than later became evident.

While out shopping with my best friend the other day, we found ourselves in Aveda at West Edmonton Mall and I ended up telling her about my biggest fear.  Stark horror swept across her eyes before she could cover it up.  Being the fabulous person that she is, she was quick to assure me that all would be fine and started finding out answers about the whole process for me.

Before I knew what was happening I found myself agreeing to having a ‘test strip’ done to see if it would result in death.

Perspiration streamed down my face during the ‘test strip’.

I didn’t die, but it sure wasn’t pleasant.

Then impulsively, I just went for it.  It took all my womanly courage to say yes to the test strip.  How would I muster up enough courage to come back? I was already there…

Do or die.  I carpe-ed the diem so to speak.

Watching a slight, middle eastern woman furrow her brow, grimace, and yank with all her strength right before you have some of the worst pain you’ve experienced in a long time is not a good feeling.

I braced myself by grabbing onto my left arm with my right hand and clenched my teeth.

Then the longest 20 minutes of my life ensued.

I wanted to ask if I stopped halfway through if I only have to pay for half.  Somehow I didn’t think that was an option, so I endured the torture.

I left Aveda in a shocked haze.

What just happened?!

The next day I noticed a bruise forming on my left arm in the shape of my right hand.

Word of advice for all women training for a Figure Competition:  When you go for the waxing grab onto the table, NOT your arm.  Otherwise, it will result in a mark that makes you look abused.  SIGH…

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  1. I bet your husband appreciates the concept of waxing and 5″ heals haha.

  2. OMG I laughed out loud when I read this post. 🙂 I do my own waxing before a show, and while waxing isn’t required, it’s way better than shaving … especially when you can’t shave for a couple days before the show!

    Hope your next appointment goes better! 🙂

    • I’m hoping the next appointment goes WAY better. I tried waxing myself once, which is why I went to get it done. Making yourself bleed is NOT an enjoyable experience. Eek!

  3. OMG, you’re so brave! One time I tried waxing my armpits. I yanked and only half came off. It hurt so bad that I got scared and ended up chipping off the rest. I can only imagine waxing other areas!

  4. Hm… I see this is an older post, and perhaps you’ve found out the truth by now, but I figured I’d put in my two cents anyway 🙂

    I assume that you’re talking about a Brazilian (I’m not sure exactly what the bikinis you have to wear show, but if they’re high cut… yeah, they show a lot) and I’m here to tell you – it gets better. The first time is SO HORRIBLE and hurts so bad, but that’s because there’s so much to take off. As you’re lying there naked from the waist down with some stranger applying hot wax to sensitive areas, you’re thinking it was such a mistake, WHAT AM I DOING HERE, never again! (Been there, done that!)

    But if you keep up with it (go about once a month, so that things don’t get too thick) then it is not NEARLY as bad as the first time. And it’s so much easier than having to shave, in my opinion (and not nearly the risk of bleeding out!) and the time spent getting it done for the results you get… no question! (I do know that they make certain cremes that are supposed to “numb” the area, but I’ve never tried them myself.)

    Just keep up on it. That’s the thing. But I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now 🙂

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