Then I ate lunch.

Not a big lunch mind you; merely some Knorr soup and a handful of crackers.

Now I have bloatation.  I don’t know if bloatation was actually a word before this, but as of this moment it’s a real word according to me.

This word can be found in the Dictionaryloree.

Bloatation <bah-low-tay-shun>. Noun.  The result of eating too much food in one sitting.

Suddenly it feels as though my clothes don’t fit and I need an epic nap.  Being the professional woman I am; I will continue on working and stay alert despite the bloatation.

Anyone else having random bloatation issues out there?

Lately, I am totally irresponsible.  I’m not doing crazy things likes shopping for shoes every day or anything.  I am merely a night owl.  At about 8:00 I find myself getting sleepy, and then at about 8:15 I get a huge burst of energy.

This is when I clean the house, write proposals, catch up on email, knit a sweater, tile my kitchen, install a toilet, or bake large quantities of brownies to eat that evening.  I find myself wide awake and coming up with amazing ideas, only to find it’s 1 am.

So I go to bed.  And lay there thinking about my latest great idea, wondering why I am still awake and if the alarm clock will understand I don’t actually hate it when I hit it for the 15^th snooze when it rings in 4 hours.

Night Owl-itis is a vicious cycle to get in.  I see no end in sight as I am merely starting up for the evening.  Pan of brownies anyone?

HELP!

The “Look of Busy” is a necessary evil while working for the government. During my first few months at the government, I kept asking for more work, completing things way before they were due always let people know that I had more time to do more things. These actions were met with scorn and disdain. I quickly came to realize that the government enjoyed moving at the pace of a water buffalo and so I had to slow right down and meet the expectation of not getting much done. It’s so opposite from the real world of work! If you ask for more work or complete your projects on time or *GASP* before they are due, people start to think you are slightly dull and perhaps mentally challenged. After all, the work is just “so hard and complex”. Obviously, the only reason I was finishing on time or early was because I wasn’t doing it correctly and I am dumb. So, in an act of self preservation, I developed the “Look of Busy”.

What does the “Look of Busy” look like? It’s a complex look that takes years to perfect.

Stage 1 – Develop a furrowed brow while people talk to you and give you work.

Stage 2 – Bring 5 inch binders shoved full of useless documents printed from the internet to all meetings and shuffle through them constantly. Make sure to mutter intermittedly and take copious notes at the meeting. Some people have found that loud, mournful sighing helps.

Stage 3 – Create a disarray of papers, file folders and reports on your desk that have no use whatsoever. People will steer clear of your desk because you are already working so hard!

Stage 4 – When management gives you new things to do, give extended project deadlines: “Well, that would take a non-busy person about 3 weeks to complete…today’s February 12….taking my workload into consideration *SIGH*…I could probably get it to you by September 1. I hope that works, it’s the best I can do.”

Stage 5 – Create non meetings to fill up your calendar so that when people go to book a meeting with you your schedule is completely booked up. Put the most unimportant things you do in your calendar. Some people that have earned the equivalent of a PhD in the “Look of Busy” have calendars like this:
8:30 – 9:00 – Arrive at work (late)
9:00 – 10:00 – Fill water bottle from water cooler on opposite side of the floor and see how everyone is doing on the way back.
10:00 – 10:30 – Coffee break
10:30 – 12:00 – Check email, make personal phone calls to relatives in different countries and pay bills.
12:00 – 1:30 – Extended lunch
1:30 – 3:00 – Print off useless documents from the internet and shuffle papers
3:00 – 3:30 – Another coffee break
3:30 – 4:15 – Do a few moments of actual work and turn it in late due to the ‘hectic schedule” of all government employees.
4:15 – 4:30 – Leave work (early)

Now, I only made it to Stage 3 of the “Look of Busy” and I found it wore on my soul! Imagine how it would be to work there for 35 years! Apparently the pension really helps…or so they say. Most of them could tell me exactly how many minutes they had left before their blessed pension kicked in. Now, all I can do is feel sorry for them as they work diligently at not working.

Just yesterday I had a job interview and was really nervous about the whole event and feeling quite nauseated. I decided to email my husband about it so that he could commiserate with me. In the email I stated that I was so nervous that I that I want to “bark”. I obviously meant to type, “barf”, but “bark” just came out. Can you imagine if I actually barked when I was nervous?!

Frightened Stranger on the Street – “Um…excuse me sir, is…is that woman barking over there?”
My Husband – “Uh, yeah…appears so…”
Frightened Stranger on the Street – “Do you think she’s ok? Perhaps we should call Alberta Hospital and see if anyone has escaped lately. That would be the responsible citizen thing to do, don’t you think?”
My Husband – “Nah, she’s just nervous – she always wants to bark when she gets nervous – it just happens sometimes.”
Frightened Stranger on the Street (backing away slowly) – “I see….”

Another time I was telling my mom about all the things that I was doing and how I couldn’t seem to keep up with the madness in my life. So I announced to her in email, “I am just so busty!!” Obviously, I meant to tell her that I was busy, not make a statement about my bustline. She just told me to get over myself!

Well at least they are humourous and keep people laughing….