Then there are other things that I am thankful for, but don’t remember to be thankful until something happens.

Today, I am thankful for bras.

Now, I know there are some women out there that don’t think they need to wear a bra, but I disagree.  Please make sure to wear one in public at all times.  Use this rule of thumb: If you need a purse, you need a bra!

While out shopping for clothes, I lost part of one of my favourite earrings.  Despite all the searching imaginable, which included 3 sales people, I couldn’t find the rest of my earring.  I left the store with new capris and one less earring.

Later that day, I felt something poking me in a very awkward location.  Lo and behold it was the earring.  It has been lurking in my bra all afternoon!

Not only do bras support, they keep track of missing objects. Like a good woman, they can multi-task for hours without blinking an eye.

I wonder how many bra-less women have lost one of their favourite earrings, which could have been avoided by merely wearing a bra.  Something to think about…or not…

I have two large drawers in my kitchen that are completely devoted to Tupperware and Tupperware lids.  There are also some distant cousins that live in these drawers that hail from the Ziploc family line.

One drawer is for lids, the other for bottoms.

There may only be 3 or 4 complete pairs on any given day; and that’s a VERY GOOD Tupperware day at my house.

It is a test of mental agility to wake up in the morning and complete the ‘do any of these lids and bottoms go together?’ skill test while still bleary eyed and in a semi-conscious state.  Eating a well rounded breakfast, getting dressed for work, and brushing your teeth are all requirements you should complete prior to finding a Tupperware container to hold your lunch.

Tip: DO NOT force a lid on even if you think it SHOULD go on.  This can result in minestrone soup down the front of your suit and all over the kitchen which will make you very grumpy AND late for work.

Is there an age-old feud between the lids and the bottoms that I just don’t know about?  That despite their interlocking abilities, they HATE each other?

This seems to be the only rational explanation to why lids and bottoms never stay together.

Ever single day I think about throwing away all the pieces that don’t match up, but I can’t risk it.  What if all of the sudden the missing lids make their way back home only to find that their mate has been tossed into the dumpster the day before?

I’m a busy woman.  I don’t have time to rummage through the dumpster to retrieve the discarded mates.  Until there is a better solution, I will have two kitchen drawers clogged up with useless pieces of plastic that cause me endless frustration.

Has anyone overcome the Tupperware feud? If so, HOW?!

1. Shock. No one believes it when you casually mention that on your birthday it was -46.1 Celsius, making it nearly the coldest place on the planet that day. AND that you still worked out, went out for lunch with friends, and spent the day shopping. It seems too epic to be real.

2. Boots. You need boots to live here and more than one pair. It is completely practical and rational to have at least 10 pairs of boots to go with all your outfits. I have yet to arrive as I only have 8 pairs. At least living in the arctic gives you good reason to go shoe shopping!

Tsubo, Nine West, Eject, Miss Mooz, Cougar, and London Fly you keep my feet oh so happy and warm!

3. Christmas Pounds. There is no hurry to shed the extra pounds gained over Christmas from eating scads of unhealthy foods while visiting with friends and family. Many layers, large coats, and heavy sweaters are required so you don’t die from exposure.
Is that muffin top 10 Christmas pounds or a bulky sweater…hmmmm….

4. Appreciation. When summer finally comes around there is a deep appreciation for warm weather, the ability to wear a tank top without dying, and sunlight. We are extremely grateful that we don’t have to plug in our cars, wear long underwear under our suits, or go to work and come home in the dark.

5. Winter Sports. Now I am not an outside dweller in the winter, but I married one. Skiing, speed skating, and ice hockey only require sports equipment and either your backyard or a friend’s. Fun times are literally just around the corner. Or for me, just in a coffee shop!

What do you like about dwelling in the arctic?

I did not leap out of bed at 5 am to go work out.

I slept in and was late.  No Green Monster smoothie for me.

The grouchiness settled in and nothing good could come out of today.

After all it’s Monday.

All of my Mondays tend to be horrible, no good, very bad days for no reason in particular.  I am apparently hardcoded to have a bad day on the first day of the week.

Until today.

Today is possibly the best Monday I’ve ever had.

I came in to work to see this at my desk.

A very large box of mystery...

Upon opening it, a very exciting box winked up at me.

Oh my gracious! A Tsubo boot box...can it be?!

My FREE boots from Sally McGraw’s contest had arrived!

Aren’t they gorgeous?!

Fabulous, fabulous boots! I can't believe that they are mine!I think my desk should look like this every day.

Thank you Tsubo and Sally McGraw, you have changed the landscape of my Mondays forever.

I guess all a woman needs is a free pair of boots to make Mondays fabulous.

Such a happy Monday....so happy I can't covertly take a good picture of myself while holding the boots at my desk. I didn't want the men to catch me taking photos of my shoes. They already think I am kinda out of my mind...this would just confirm their suspicions.

What would make your Monday fabulous ?

While I struggled to sit up for the 37^th time, he posed an interesting question.

“What would you pay to wake up tomorrow and have the perfect body?”

Immediately I wondered if the bank would give me a line of credit for such a thing.  Perhaps I could say it was a business venture.  Or I could sell all my shoes…how much would my shoe collection bring on Ebay?  Hmmm….

Right away I realized I would have to sell some organs on the black market to make this dream a reality.

A hundred thousand?  Two hundred-fifty thousand?  What would it be worth? Would you pay more than what your car was worth brand new?

After thinking about it, I don’t think I would pay much at all.

I would wake up being the same exact woman I was on the inside with an outside that was my idea of perfect.  Nothing would change what I dislike about who I am, my confidence, or my fear of chasing my dreams.  I would merely be a very hot woman that has all the same issues, problems, insecurities, and psychoses.

“What would you pay to wake up tomorrow and be confident in who you are?”

That’s the real question.

The wonderful thing is that you don’t have to pay a dime.  You could wake up tomorrow and choose to be satisfied in yourself and know that everything about you is worth enjoying.

Today I am choosing to like everything about myself; even the muffin top.

Being fully you and proud of yourself is gorgeous.

Paying to wake up beautiful is what Hollywood does…and let’s be honest, they really don’t have it together over there.

These people clog up the YMCA for the first few weeks of January and can be spotted without much work.

They are the people that:

• are wearing brand new, high end workout outfits that strain to contain the muffin tops;
• lug around a water bottle that matches their outfit;
• wander aimlessly and look VERY confused in the weight room while sipping water from their matchy-matchy water bottle; and
• insist on eating a power bar in the stretching area after meandering around the workout area for 45 minutes.

I think getting healthy and in shape is a very noble New Year’s resolution.

This year my resolution is to get rid of my Happy Arms.  What are ‘Happy Arms’ you ask?

Happy Arms – noun.  A jovial arm that cannot help but wave along with a person when they wave.  They always give a second, third, or fourth wave to people and are most happy when a woman wears a tank top.

I think just having a happy face is perfect.  My arms need to learn how to be happy and content on the inside.

In order to do this, I will face the horde of confused New Year’s resolutions at the YMCA and continue to discipline my ‘Happy Arms’ to keep their joy to themselves.

What are your New Year’s resolutions this year?

They are horrible.

1. Skiing. Strapping boards to your feet, climbing thousands of feet up a steep part of a mountain, and then sliding down while trying not to die is a bad idea. Perhaps it’s because I am not sports inclined, but getting frostbite while contemplating your life with only two small poles to keep you from death is not my idea of fun.
2. White water kayaking. When you find yourself hanging upside down in the water while strapped into a small plastic boat heading straight into the rapids, you will understand. Can anyone say ‘air’?
3. Tole Painting. People look so serene and happy painting flowers, birds, and other kitschy things on wooden objects. In reality it’s a practice in learning how not to swear while doing a genteel lady’s craft. The art isn’t about painting at all, it’s actually appearing to be kind and gentle all while fighting the intense desire to harm someone.
4. Running marathons. The prestige associated with marathon runners is huge; everyone seems to revere a person that can run 26 miles straight. Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely impressive but who wants to spend 3 hours a day running around instead of drinking lattes and catching up with friends? All so that you can pay money to run in a race and get a t-shirt. Something isn’t adding up for me.
5. Martha Stewart recipes. Martha is a horrible, vindictive woman that is not on the everyday woman’s team. She creates fabulous magazines with beautiful pictures of food that seem attainable. What she fails to tell you is each recipe requires at least one ingredient that can’t be sourced unless you have black market connections and at the end of your 3 hour meticulous baking extravaganza you will only have 24 odd looking cookies to show for all your hard work.
6. Canning. Take at least one whole day of your life, cut vegetables or fruit for 6 hours, shove them into jars, and then cook them in a huge vat on your stove for hours on end. After 12 hours, your house is hotter than a sauna and you’ve used up all your energy for the week. The only reason to can anything is if you don’t have a grocery store within 200 kms of your house.
7. Pedicures. I love shoes and am a known shoe-aholic. I need those calluses to be able to wear all my shoes and don’t want to pay someone money to touch my feet for an hour and make all my shoes painful to wear. It’s just a bad idea.
8. Swimsuit shopping. Whenever a girl plans a trip to a tropical place, a new swimsuit is required. It seems like fun to go get a cute new suit for your trip until you are standing underneath florescent lights with all your cottage cheese, droopiness, and muffin top hanging out for the world to see. All of the sudden it is clear why some women opt for muumuus instead of bikinis.
9. Riding the teacups. Going to the fair is always fun and nostalgic, and at times the nostalgia can get you into trouble. You find yourself thinking that riding the childhood rides is a good idea. Halfway into the teacup ride while trying to hold down your chili dog and caramel apple you remember why the dizzying ride is only good for people under the age of 12.
10. Gardening. It seems romantic to till the earth, plant seeds, and watch the fruits of your labor grow. After fighting weeds, rocks, drought, and bugs for 8 weeks all you have to show for your labor of love are 8 tomatoes, 4 zucchinis, and 7 ears of sad looking corn. The lettuce comes in right away, but is out of season by the time your meager amount of tomatoes and zucchini are ready to be eaten. Since you have to go to the grocery store anyways for veggies for the lettuce, why not skip the stress of the garden and leave the veggie growing to the professionals?

If you are thinking about attempting any of these things, I suggest you don’t.

What is on your list of things that look fun but aren’t?

This weekend I traveled up north to Athabasca in the -27 degree Celsius weather to visit a fabulous friend from the coast that was visiting another fabulous friend who happens to live in Athabasca.

While traveling on the one lane highway covered in snow and ice, I saw a rather odd sign after passing a VERY small town that consisted of a gas station, 5 trees, and a fork in the road.  It read:

CAUTION.  Wild Animal Crossing Next 40 KMS.

My question is how do you know when the wild animals are going to cross?  In the city, we have amber lights that flash when pedestrians want to cross the road.  It is very organized.  The drivers slow down and the people cross without mishap.

So you don't harm the people on foot while driving.

When a herd of wild horses burst out of the trees and run next to your car and onto the road, there are no amber lights flashing.  You have to deftly maneuver the car to a quick halt without sliding all over the road or maiming a horse that has decided to cross NOW and bring all his friends along to circle your car for awhile.  It takes all your womanly mental strength to not scream while slowing down as fast as the ice will allow and avoid the monstrous four legged creatures.

Amber lights anyone?

Once I realized I had stayed on the road and didn’t need to drag the carcass of a dead horse off the road, all I could think was: “Who’s horses are these and why are they outside in the cold weather without even mittens on their hooves?! ”

Don’t horses get cold?  Shouldn’t they be wearing more than their God-given coats when it’s -27 degrees Celsius outside?

Is this something that all non-city people know the answer to?  Someone, help me!

Dear young, skinny chick at the YMCA,

Please don’t flaunt your skinny body in your tight yoga pants while eating deep fried white carbs in the YMCA women’s locker room.  There are those of us that don’t have the metabolism of a cheetah and can’t lounge around and eat bad foods and stay skinny by merely making an appearance at the gym.

I just finished running several miles at an incline and only ate fruits, vegetables, and tuna fish yesterday.

Severely Annoyed,

Donloree

Who eats McDonalds at the gym anyways?  Anyone else see something wrong with this picture?

I remember being 18 and thinking that people who were 30 are mature, smart, and have it together. According to the 18-year-old Donloree I am smart, sassy, and sophisticated. At least I’m keeping up appearances!

In my 18-year-old and highly idealistic state, I remember thinking by the time I was 30 I would:

• be a brain surgeon;
• have traveled most of the world;
• created a life saving solution for people dying in Africa; and
• become independently wealthy.

Ummm…I haven’t done any of those things, and don’t think I will accomplish any of them in the next two weeks…unless I win the lottery, purchase some degrees on the black market, and broker an international solution to end poverty and hunger all while living on a plane for the next two weeks.

So if you don’t hear from me over the next two weeks, it’s because I am busy brokering international deals while in flight over the South Pacific.

Anyone else out there struggling with turning the big 3-0?