I have a confession to make.
There is such a thing as ‘overachieverness‘ and I think I have it.
Ok, I know I have it.
Overachieverness: (oh-vher-uh-chee-vur-neh-suh) The state of chasing more ambitions and ‘shoulds’ than one woman can accomplish at any given time. Signs of being in this state include OCD behaviors, time monitoring, early am wake ups to start before everyone else, list making, and cramming more in a day than most cram into a long weekend of activities.
Learning, slowly learning, to listen.
I am pushing ahead full steam on my dreams, commitments, and relationships. Finally something gave and guess what it was? Yup! That’s right, it was me.
- Last night I watched CFL with my husband through my eyelids, which would have been fine except it was 7:18 pm.
- The thought of having to change my clothes and take out my contacts so I could go to bed made me want to cry.
- This morning I dragged getting to the gym by 7:00 am and I had thoughts of ‘I hate this’ going through my head.
- At 4:00 am when I got up to work on my book, I stared at my mouse on the blank page and blinked for 20 minutes. Coffee didn’t even help.
- The thought of working all week and going out with friends in the evening made me cringe. I love my friends, what a strange thought to have!
- My whole body hurts. My left big toe hurts to walk on, my left shin is screaming, the muscles in my neck have a death grip on my vertebrae, and my eyelids feel obese.
I am exhausted and afraid to stop.
Yup, you heard me. I am apparently afraid to slow down, let alone even stop. Luckily for me I have learned the signs of being overly ridiculous. When I hate the things that I normally love, something is oh so very wrong.
Cardio reading kicked me in the arse.
One of my ‘overachieverness‘ activities is to read leadership books while I ride the bikeat 6:30 am in the morning. You can get a lot read while dripping sweat on a bike for 45 minutes.
The One Thing.
From this morning’s ‘overachieverness’ reading…
In an attempt to make it all work, I began to bear down even harder….I bought into getting up before the crack of dawn, getting revved up playing inspirational theme songs, and getting going before anyone else…
I was truly beginning to think that the secret to success was to get as tight wound up as possible each morning, set myself on fire, and then open the door and fly through the day, unwinding on the world, until I literally burnt out.
I learned that success comes down to this: being appropriate in the moment of your life. If you can honestly say, ‘This is where I’m mean to be right now, doing exactly what I’m doing’ then all the amazing possibilities for your life become possible.
You talking to me?
Yes, yes you are.
This morning, I posted a picture on Facebook. For most people, this picture would represent something new to do. In my case, it represents something to not do.
And yes, I can not do…at least for a week…I think…
This week, starting tomorrow I will not do the following:
- Get up at 4:00 am to beat the rest of the world at a race where I am the only one running. I am going to sleep in until something crazy like 6:30 am and then get up and write.
- Go to the gym before work. Heck I may not even go to the gym. Evening walks, yoga, foam rolling or a light run with my husband all sound very restorative.
- Work on the bazillion ‘side projects’ I have going on in the evening. Flooring, helping people with their dreams, and research can all wait. I love you, but talk to me next week.
- Clean more things than necessary at the house. If you drop by there will most likely be dishes in the sink and soap scum on the bathroom mirror.
- Read books to learn how to be better. I will read for fun if I read at all.
There is a reason I have the lovely Hashimoto Autoimmune disease, it is because I did not learn the skill of resting and just doing the few, very important things only earlier in life. I would argue from my post that I still haven’t learned it but at least now I know what I don’t know.
- It’s the first step towards change. Right?
I have a feeling it is going to be a hard week, but one of rest and rejuvenation all at the same time. It will be interesting to see what comes up as I let more pass me by and enjoy being still. I wonder what creativity will spring up and start to blossom this week as I give it some time and space to grow.