Womanity and Mancabulary Explained

Yesterday was my 12 year wedding anniversary. 

After nearly dying from heat stroke while training back and hams this morning, my 12 years of marriage came up in conversation in the change room.

One of my friend’s response made me want to hug her.

What the world? Did you get married when you were thirteen years old?

I refrained from hugging her since I was still in my towel and she was putting her sports bra on.

Timing is everything.

I ain’t no spring chicken.

After living with a man for so many years and neither of us killing each other, I thought it only prudent to share some insight on what each of us say and what we really mean.

man thinking

Photo Credit

Decoding ‘Womanity’.

When she says…

  • Can you please take out the garbage tonight?

…she really means…

  • DEAR LORD, can’t you see the house is a disaster and I am going to lose my mind if the garbage doesn’t go out NOW?

When she says…

  • Let’s watch a movie and cuddle on the couch.

…she really means…

  • I am bone dead tired and I love you but I can’t love you tonight. Perhaps the movie will distract you and if I fall asleep can you please carry me to bed?

When she says…

  • Whatever you want is fine with me.

…she really means…

  • I hope you want what I want and if you don’t, please run to the internet and quickly take a ‘how to read your wife’s mind’ e-course.

When she says…

  • I don’t want to cook, should we go out for supper?

…she really means…

  • I WANT to eat out, but I can’t. I am on that dang ‘healthy eating plan’ and due to my indulgence YESTERDAY, which you nothing about, I can’t. I want you to tell me I can and that I should, but somehow trick me into not going out because I want to feel good about myself tomorrow. Also while you navigate this extremely complex and emotionally charged situation, please don’t hit any land mines that will trigger me to feel ‘fat’ or ‘unsuccessful’.

When she says…

  • Don’t worry about a gift. I know you love me.

…she really means…

  • Buy me a gift, preferably off the list of gifts I HOPE you’ve been keeping track of from my passive aggressive hints over the past 6 months. You started a list on your iPhone, right?

Totally simple, straightforward, and not confusing in the least bit.

The inner workings of ‘Mancabulary’.

When he says….

  • You look really nice in that dress.

…he really means…

  • You are hot and I would prefer you weren’t wearing the dress.

When he says….

  • Sure, I will take out the garbage. No problem honey.

…he really means…

  • I plan on taking out the garbage, but my man cave cannot be left for a few hours. Feel free to bring me a sandwich and a beverage, sit in the man cave with me, or chatter about your day until I feel the overwhelming urge to conquer the garbage.

When he says….

  • Let’s go out for supper, you’ve worked hard and deserve a night off.

…he really means…

  • I don’t know how to make anything you’ll like, I ate the last box of cereal last night, and I can’t find the number for the pizza place with the decent salads. I would make you a meal but you’re already hangry and things are getting scary. I want to feed you to make it all better. Let’s go NOW.

When he says…

  • I love you.

…he really means…

  • If you wanted the moon, I would spend my whole life trying to get it for you.

Gosh, why are men so complex?

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Comments

  1. Love it!
    And congrats on 12 years… Was that really so long ago!? Seems like yesterday.

  2. This is SO true!! Hope you had a wonderful anniversary!

  3. Congrats!!! Wow, I cannot believe you are old enough to be married 12 years….seriously!

    I laughed at loud at all of these. So true haha. I especially love the one about going out to eat. That is a weekly occurrence in my household!

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