16 Weeks And No Excuses

In 16 weeks from today, you will find me on a stage glued into a bedazzled bikini competing in my second ever Figure Competition. I am somewhat freaked out of my mind about this whole thing, which is odd because I’ve done it once before. You would think I would be as cool as a cucumber, but I am not. I am a freaked out, food sneaking, peanut butter eating monster.

I am on a strict diet to help me reach my goals of gaining muscle and being a lot more lean than I was in October. I am hoping that Santa will bring me my ab for Christmas and that I am able to resist all the cookies and food ridiculousness that comes with this fabulous holiday season.

Counting macros and having a very strict diet over Christmas sucks…or does it? I was rather upset that I have to be so strict over Christmas and that I can’t eat all the cookies and cake I want with abandon. Then I realized that I get to choose. I get to choose to be true to my diet or not, I get to choose to give it my all or not, I get to choose success or failure.

I was surprised to find myself eating peanut butter straight out of the jar again. I want to feel satisfied and in control, so I am overeating. After spending some time journaling in the little blue journal, I realized that I am sabotaging myself because I am scared out of my mind to be successful. So I officially gave my food nemesis the boot today.

I am not going to tempt myself with reasons to be unsuccessful. Out of control stops today.

I am making a stand today by throwing out the peanut butter. A stand to give the next 16 weeks all of my effort, even though it scares me to death.

I know what it feels like to:

  • not give 100%
  • fail
  • have excuses and a scapegoat
  • doubt and loathe myself
  • choose satisfaction for today rather than success tomorrow
  • only see the fat woman looking back at me from the mirror
  • be afraid and small
  • not play to my strengths

Over the next 16 weeks my goal is to live in such a way that I don’t have excuses, live to my full potential, and see myself for who I actually am. All of me. The good parts and the bad parts and bring all of them to the stage on April 9th with pride.

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Comments

  1. Allison Siemens says:

    Awesome stuff. I can completely relate to the feeling of sabotaging yourself for fear of succeeding. I bet its going to be tough thru the holidays but nothing will compare to the success you’ll feel at competition time. I wish you all the self-control and discipline you will need and I’m sure you will get the results you need. I admire you for going after your dreams – I am in the process myself. All the best to you!

  2. That’s me, same as you, yet again. What I don’t understand is why am I afraid to succeed, what can be so bad about that and why doubt myself all the time? Thanks for bringing this up, I’ve got a bit of self-arse kicking to do!

  3. AHHHH, you threw it out! You have entirely more willpower than me!! good for you though. I’m proud of you. You are so much in tune to yourself and your body and that’s so great.

  4. WE are in this together! Lean on me! 🙂

  5. You can do this. I, too, am right there with you struggling with the food. I could work-out all day long; I look forward to that part every day. But it’s the other 22.5 hours a day of focus that I find hardest. I’m not sure why. I am not afraid to succeed. Not one bit. I can envision and taste succeeding 100%. So I”m not sure what the root is for me. All, er, food for thought.

    Stay strong. And stay aware, as you clearly are. All the answers are coming. You are inspiring us all on this journey.

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