Numbers are just numbers until you assign them to something. For example 135 elephants would be a lot of elephants, but 135 grains of sand is a very little amount of sand. To complete 135 man push ups in a row is a lot, but to walk for 135 seconds on a treadmill is a little.
It’s all about your perspective!
Today I am 135 days out from my second competition. Today that does not sound like a lot of days. Somehow four and a half months or a third of a year sounds way better than 135 days. I am officially freaking out on the inside just a wee bit. I thought I was past all this panicky, “what the heck am I doing?!’ internal chaos. Apparently not.
When I look in the mirror I see a chubby woman with big blue eyes filled with fear staring back at me. Where they heck did she come from?! I am not fat and I can do this! I mean, technically I have done it before.
My perspective and my drive to compete.
When I competed in October my goals were to:
- Look like I fit in and not have people wondering what the fat chick in the purple suit is doing backstage
- Live out a dream that had been hiding in my heart for years
- Show the fat woman in the mirror a thing or two
- Not fall over while wearing my 5 inch clear heels and bedazzled suit
I am proud to say that I accomplished every single one of my goals!
Now I am competing again and I have new goals, goals that I hadn’t even fully admitted to myself until today. On April 9th, I want to:
- Be lean and strong, the strongest I have ever been in my life
- lose 5% more bodyfat
- Rock the posing like a superstar
- Place in the top 3 for my class (ok, deep in my heart of hearts I want to win, but I don’t think I can admit to that yet!)
- Have a fantastic time with the other 4 Bikini Or Bust competitors that will be competing with me on that day
It is time to believe in myself again and start the next journey. The journey of competition, not just completion. It is time to compete against myself even single day. To get up without complaint, choose to see all the fabulous aspects of my life, and train, work, and love like today is my only chance.
The icky and panicked thoughts may not go away and I am probably going to see that fat chick in the mirror now and again, but I am not going to give myself the luxury of wallowing in self pity. It’s time to carpe the diem like there is no tomorrow! 135 – a little or a lot? Heck as if I know! It’s merely the length of my next journey and it is going to be exciting!