Possibly The Most Random Day EVER…

Today was totally weird.  I spent the day doing things for my *gulp* first Figure Competition.

The day started as it usually did at 5 am with me lurching across my bedroom to find the alarm so that I could make the incessant noise stop.

Then I made coffee.  I clearly have my priorities straight.

After that, the day went completely weird and wonky.

At the gym I found the Edmonton Journal article about me and my journey to this competition tacked up on the bulletin board in the women’s locker room. It is freakish to see yourself staring back at you with only one cup of black coffee in your system.

After that experience, I needed more coffee. I picked up a fabulous cup at Credo Coffee and felt more prepared for the day.

Turns out I should have gotten two cups.

Next up was the polygraph test.  Upon arriving at the office where the test was to take place, I immediately started to sweat. And not just a little bit; buckets of sweat.  The purpose of the polygraph is to ensure that I haven’t taken any of the banned substances for the all natural show. A very tall man strapped me to a chair facing a completely blank wall.  He put little clips on my fingers and a blood pressure gauge on my arm. The veins on my arm immediately started to pop out and my hand turned a lovely shade of purple.

Then the questions started.

Polygraph Man – Is your name Donloree?

DL – Yes. (sweating profusely)

PM – Do you know what the banned substances are?

DL – Yes.

PM – Do you intend to lie in response to any of these questions?

DL – NO! (a rush of adrenaline coursed through my body which may have resulted in me failing this question)

PM – Have you taken of *insert huge list of drugs* in the past 7 years?

DL – No. Definitely not.

The questions went on. There were only 10 of them, but it felt like an eternity while staring at the cream wall that definitely needed a new coat of paint.

Then we went through it all over again.  I had to do the test twice.  Apparently it ensures that the testing is accurate. When I was unstrapped from the chair I jumped up and asked, ‘Did I pass?”.  His response? “Well, if someone calls you up and tells you not to come on Saturday, I guess you’ll know you didn’t pass.” This did not make me feel better. It made me feel like kicking the very tall man that straps bodybuilding women to chairs in the knee, but I refrained.

Now I find myself cooking supper in my five inch clear heels and bedazzled bikini.  While I scramble my egg whites, I am practicing the side pose and trying to flare my lats as much as I can. It is really hard to smile while posing, so I have implemented a new rule.  If you have the clear shoes on, you’re smiling.  So I am also grinning like a weirdo while I do this.

Last minute prep is turning out to be rather bizarre.

Next I attempt gluing the tiny, bedazzled suit to myself…I may need to be supervised for this task…

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Comments

  1. I love your article and I love reading your blog posts! Sooo excited for you!

    • I giggle to myself picturing you making dinner in your bikini and heels. 🙂
      You are amazing and powerful. You will be fabulous on stage!! I’ll be thinking of you while I’m taking a 3 hour belly dance workshop that requires knee pads…should be almost equally grueling. 😉

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