Nice or not the sharpest knife in the drawer?
Posted on 12 December 2009
Whenever I travel and tell people that I am Canadian they are always so pleased to meet me. Everyone seems to think that Canadians are just the nicest people in the world.
I disagree.
We are the most gullible people in the world.
Today the high temperature is -30 Celsius. Since when is a high a negative number? This would be similar to a high jumper bragging about his new record breaking jump, only to hear this explanation: “Well, I ran up to the pole and just fell over. It was awesome.”
Somehow when it came time to split up the continent, the Canadians decided the pretty fluffy white stuff up North was better than the beaches, palm trees, ocean, and temperate weather or were severely drugged. I hope beyond all hope they were severely drugged.
Maybe we are nice because we are just happy not to be dead after braving the elements to go to work or get food from the grocery store.
It tends to make me grumpy though.
Where's the beach? I'm COLD.
In -30 Celsius weather, the following things happen:
- Nose hairs freeze within 1 second of being outside. Make sure not to have flared nostrils when braving the elements, otherwise your nose is frozen into place.
- If you decide to not wear mittens, within two minutes you have to look to see if you still have a hand. It quickly becomes a frozen, lifeless lump of flesh that clangs together without any feeling. This is a bad thing.
- Air gets trapped in your lungs and you can barely breathe. In order to breathe, a scarf must be wrapped around your mouth and nose.
- Vehicles must be plugged in so they start. Then the environment is severely harmed by letting the car idle for about 20 minutes before driving anywhere.
- A massive brain freeze occurs from the cold air hitting your forehead. It’s the same exact feeling you get from eating ice cream too fast, but there is no rocky road in your tummy.
- 14 layers of clothing are required to leave the house and you to tell yourself that Oompa Loompa really is the fashion statement this winter.
- Glass wearers suffer more than non-glasses wearers. When a glasses wearer comes inside to escape the frigid temperatures, nothing can been seen for quite some time due to extreme fogging.
All fogged up. Can't see a darn thing!
Where else is being outside a matter of life and death? In hot countries you may become dehydrated, but you aren’t going to die within 20 minutes of being left out in the elements. During a Canadian cold snap this is a reality.
In this weather it is safe to assume the man on the side of the road with a broken car does in fact need help and is not pulling a Ted Bundy scam.
Perhaps that is why we are so nice, if we didn’t help each other out more of us would die.
At least I get to wear fun boots in the snow. This is the only positive of the whole weather fiasco in Canada; fun boots and accessories!
Cute pink boots help make the cold a teeny bit better...and I can still feel my toes!
How are you keeping warm today? If you’re cold and the temperature is above 0 Celsius, please consider yourself to be in paradise!
Brrr!!
3 responses to Nice or not the sharpest knife in the drawer?
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My complete sympathies to you!!!! Sorry but I do not miss the Alberta weather. I will take the rain, clouds and wind. At least it is warm. Happy you are coming home soon.
Well, I can help you with one thing… If you walk in backwards from the outside to the inside, your glasses won’t fog up.
You’ll just look like an idiot walking backwards into buildings.
I will try looking like an idiot and see what happens! Thanks for the tip.