If Only Angelina Championed the Everyday Woman…
Posted on 21 November 2009
I have spent the last 4 years hoping and praying that Angelina Jolie would get a muffin top.
She has failed me in every way.
Even after giving birth, she still remains muffin top free. If she had a muffin top and was confident about it, all women everywhere would be liberated.
Angelina, use your power for good to liberate the everyday woman!!
My faith in Angelina to champion the everyday woman was so great that I wasn’t overly concerned about my muffin top. After all, I love being fashionable and was prepared with my muffin top when it came to be the next big thing in haute couture.
To be ready for Angelina’s show of daring, I didn’t worry about my random consumption of M&Ms, Doritos, white bread, pastries, and candy. After all, I didn’t want to get sick trying to get the muffin top back when it became fashionable to have one.
The time has never come. After 4 years of hoping, I now realize that it’s never going to happen.
No matter how much I go to the gym or try to rid myself of the muffin top, it goes everywhere with me. There are things women can do to hide the muffin top, such as wear ‘foundational undergarments’ that are akin to a straight jacket. Unfortunately, I think it’s important to be able to breathe and sit down without looking like you’ve pulled every muscle in your back so I opted against wearing them.
While thinking about how to overcome my metabolism that is slower than a slug’s, I had an epiphany. I completed a good old-fashioned Google search and found professional help. Tomorrow is my first appointment for personal training with a man that ‘helps you look good naked’. I chose him because he’s the closest thing I could find for ‘Muffin Top Slayer’.
So I may be dead after tomorrow afternoon, but if Angelina isn’t going to come through for me I have to change my tactic.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. SIGH.
6 responses to If Only Angelina Championed the Everyday Woman…
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Good luck tomorrow!!!! You will be muffin top free in no time!
Right there with ya sister! Just call me when you need a pep-talk
I seriously want to know how this goes. A man that “makes you look good naked?” That exists? Wow.
All I need is a tummy-tuck to solve my problems! I had my 4th child at 40 and the skin just doesn’t snap back at that age. Depressing!
Back before I got pregnant, I gained 25 lbs. in five months on a steroid (for health condition)and after going off steroid got pregnant (surprise!) and gained another 35. I realized today I have lost 50 lbs. of that 60 but I want to lose 15 more – no matter what I do it doesn’t budge. I work out, I don’t eat. Metabolism is a bitch!
I’m going to head to this “Wellness Center” they have in town for a massage next month (my first ever!) – they also do wraps and weight management so I am crossing fingers, toes, and everything anatomically possible hoping they will have “the answer.”
Keep us posted on your progress!
Anne @alivenkickin
Sounds like you are on the right track. If this guy can help me get rid of the muffin top, I will let you know. I hate people with fabulous metabolism, they wreck it for the rest of us. Perhaps we need to start a club for slow metabolizers! How did the Wellness Center go? I hope they have some answers!
[...] shape you are actually in and then a custom plan is created. After my assessment meeting with the Muffin Top Slayer, several messages kept running through my [...]
[...] This evening I went for my weekly near death experience of working out with my trainer to help me get rid of my muffin top. [...]